I'm Already There
by Chelsea Oz
Summary: Now in-progress. The chronicles of Scout and Dill's first months of marriage. Chapter 28 is up and this will be all! Thank you to everyone who went on this journey with me!
1. Chapter 1

Scout and I had been married for a month now and I swear my life has never felt so satisfying. I didn't think I ever would or would ever want to settle down. I happily did it for her though and I thanked God for not being stupid for once. I think more amazing than my side of the story is hers because she had felt the same way. She didn't listen to her heart once but fate ultimately won and again thank God for it. She would have been absolutely hated herself and her life if she had gone through with marrying Hank.

"I win, you bastard," I would simply say if he were to ever dare cross my path. I still have sweet dreams about punching him in the throat.

Back in the present moment, it was the Saturday before Easter and me and my wife were downtown doing some shopping. Ah, my wife. It's so nice to be able to think and say that. It was a beautiful April day and everyone in town seemed to be in a good mood. Children were running around; laughing and playing and adults smiled while they held hands with there spouses. Scout and I were one of those couples after we made our way out of the five and dime.

"It's a gorgeous day," Scout said with a smile as she breathed in the fresh air.

"Sure is," I agreed.

"Want to go for a little walk before we go back to Atticus'?"

"Sure."

Even with all it's renevations over the past decade or two downtown was still small. The countryside leading into Old Sarum was still only a couple of blocks away. An odd feeling hit me when we venutred more and more out of the city; the more we entered the countryside, the more my spirits began to dim. It was one of those times where nothing was really wrong but you just had a feeling that something wasn't right here. I knew Scout felt it as soon as we came across First Purchase, the negro chuch. She kind of jumped and had an uneasy look on her face.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"I don't know," she said as she looked down on the ground. "I guess I just got tired is all."

"Why don't we go back to town and go home, then?"

At this stage of the game I was hoping with all my might that she would say yes. Nothing about being here felt right but Scout acted like she didn't want to budge. It seemed like I waited hours before she even picked her head back up. When she did, she looked a little ways yonder at the graveyard, the colored graveyard.

"Not now," she finally said.

"Why?"

"I need to go see something."

"There's nothing here for you to see."

"Yes, there is. You don't have to come with me if you don't want to."

"Well, of course I'll go with you."

"Then just walk with me and don't talk."

"I won't."

She wanted to go to the graveyard. My mouth was shut but my brain wouldn't keep quiet. I kept asking why with each step we took. I licked my lips and drew a breath when I came upon Reverend Sykes' grave. I will never forget Tom Robinson's trial and what a good man he was to us that day. My stomach churned when I saw that Dolphus Raymond's heastone was not far behind Reverend Sykes'. He was another man who was so kind to me that day. I've always took perception with a grain of salt after my meeting with Mr. Raymond. I hope you men are resting in peace.

"Oh my God," Scout shrieked as she fell on her knees and wept.

I ran to her as fast as I could. Her scream shook me to my bones. I never wanted to hear her scream like that again. I get down on my knees and put my hand on her shaky shoulder blade as I look to see who she got so emotional about. One name: Calpurnia. Her birthdate was a question mark. Her death date was March 17th. St. Patrick's Day. Mine and Scout's wedding day.

"The day of our wedding," I muttered. "Son of a bitch."

"She knew," Scout said through her sobs.

"What do you mean she knew? Did someone tell her about it?"

"No," she said as she wiped her eyes and looked at me. "Don't you get it?"

"No."

"She still loved me, Dill. I knew it."

"Sweetheart, I..."

"Dill, after our kiss, did you see the mockingbird in the window?"

"No."

"It was right at the window. I thought I heard it coo and I looked up and there it was looking at me. It cooed again and flew off."

"It could have been your mother."

"Mama wouldn't send me a mockingbird. She wasn't there for the mockingbird years; mockingbirds wouldn't mean anything to her."

"So Cal's a mockingbird?"

"She is," she said as she turned back to the headstone and rubbed Calpurnia's only name. "I love you. I forgive you. Thank you for the mockingbird."

With that, Scout got up off her knees and I did the same. I hugged her tight before we took our walk back downtown. Scout's smile came back and she nuzzled her head on my shoulder as we turned on the main road again.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," she replied.

"Why in the world didn't she get buried with a last name?"

"Because God only made one Calpurnia."

"Makes sense."


	2. Tell Her About It

"Atticus, did you know Calpurnia had died?"

I looked up from the pot roast I was nibbling on and shot my wife a look. Calpurnia may have been on the back of my mind but I thought we were just going to drop it. Then again, we were talking about the woman who was a second mother to Scout. I then looked to Atticus to see what his reaction would be. He grunted and leaned back in his chair.

"Yes, I did," he replied, deadpan.

"When?"

"The day after your wedding. Zeebo had called the office and told me that she had passed."

"Does Jem know?"

"No."

"How come you didn't tell us? Were you ever going to tell us?"

"Honey, don't be mad at me."

"I'm not mad, Atticus," she said. I know my wife and I know she was telling the truth when she said she wasn't mad. "I just want to know why you kept it a secret from us."

"She hurt you children badly. Never in a million years did I think she would do what she did. You children didn't deserve that. Especially Jem; poor Jem..."

"I'm sorry, Atticus. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, no, don't be sorry. It's okay."

I had to choke down what was left in my mouth. It was starting to get emotional and I thought I already had enough emotion for one day. Scout looked like she was on the verge of tears and she didn't need to cry anymore. I began to rub her leg with my foot creeping up and down her pant leg. She shot me a look that could kill but then she couldn't help but smile. To my horror, Atticus looked under the table and caught me in the act. I saw that Scout had on her oops-you-did-it-again smirk on her face.

"I was done anyway," I said as I took my half-eaten plate to the sink and snuck up the stairs to our bedroom. I could hear Scout laugh as I made my journey. It had been a long day and all I really wanted to do was go to bed anyway. Small town living had relaxed me a lot and I began to enjoy going to bed early.

"Hey," Scout said as she walked into the room.

"Hey," I said as I bolted up in the bed. It was dark outside by now and I realized that I must have dozed off.

"Dreaming of me, were you?" She asked as she laid herself down beside me.

"Just your legs," I replied as I kissed her cheek.

"You're such a jerk," she said as she kissed my cheek back.

We then just laid there on our backs and looked up at the ceiling. We were incredibly close without saying a word and I liked that a lot. My fingers found the buttons on her shirt and I began to undo them one by one until I exposed her neck, her cleavage, and then her navel. She had no problem with me doing it and she smiled at me, coyly.

"You like that?" I asked her.

"I'm actually thinking of something else."

"I'm undressing you and you're thinking of something else?"

"I'm thinking about St. Patrick's Day."

"Why?"

"Because I never put that much stock into it. I mean, what's Ireland like? You've been there before, haven't you?"

"Many times."

"Tell me about it."

"It's beautiful there. The countryside is blue and green for endless miles."

"Blue and green?"

"It's an island, Scout. It's surrounded by water and wherever the water isn't, there's a rolling, green hill. A hill that just makes you want to run. You can't help but feel free."

"What about the cities?"

"They are magical, too. They have the best bars and they have the best beer. Fuck the Germans."

"I don't like beer, though."

"Ireland's got a lot more to offer you than beer. Ireland gives you spirit."

"I wish I could have gone there with you."

"We'll get there someday."

"Do you think so?"

"I know so."

Scout smiled even bigger and she wrapped her arm and leg around me.

"Sounds good to me."


	3. Heartbeat Song

**Finch's Landing was a place I only visited once in the twenty years that I've known Scout. Funny seeing how important her father was to her that I would only visit where he grew up once. Funnier seeing how I found myself back there but it was different from when I remembered it: the house looked a lot better than it did, number one. That house is so broken down that I'm surprised it still stands and I'm surprised someone had the audacity to fix it up so well. That had to have been a bitch to do. The air was warm, the sky was blue and the water was still but those were nothings new. Hmm, maybe the house was the only thing that was different.**

 **I was shocked to hear laughing from the river banks. They were quiet a minute ago and there wasn't a soul to be seen. I took a walk down yonder and again, didn't see anyone.**

 **"This place is haunted," I muttered under my breath. I don't know why I just didn't say it out loud; was I afraid I was going to awake some spirits or something?**

 **Apparently, that's exactly what I had done anyway. A woman with long brown hair popped out of the water with a baby girl in her arms. The woman was very attractive and I found that I couldn't take my eyes off her. I wondered if she could see me because I was pretty much standing right before her and she was paying no attention. The woman began to swing the baby around in the water as the baby laughed. They were going slow enough that I could finally see the baby's face and I was shocked to see that the baby was my wife. I remember the few pictures Atticus had of her and the baby was definitely Scout, no mistaking it. I then felt incredibly guilty for having the hots for her mother. Nevermind the male, chauvinist pig in me couldn't help but think, "Way to go, Atticus!"**

 **"Excuse me," I said to the woman.**

 **She looked at me; she did know that I was there after all.**

 **"Hello," she greeted as she held baby Scout close to her chest. I had to grin; my wife always did have a cute behind.**

 **"Hello," I replied. "I'm Charles Baker Harris. Call me Dill."**

 **"I know who you are."**

 **"You do?"**

 **"Yes and I want to thank you."**

 **"For what?"**

 **"For taking care of my baby."**

 **The initial shock began to wear off as I began to realize what she was saying to me. Happy tears began to fill my eyes. Jean Finch knew me, welcomed me, and thanked me. I was over the moon to hear her words.**

 **"Wanna hold her?"**

 **"What?"**

 **"Do you wanna hold her?" She asked again with a laugh as I blushed.**

 **"Okay," I said as I reached out my arms for Scout. Scout smiled and babbled as her mother brought her to me. She nestled her face up against my neck and I never felt so amazed by the touch of anyone, ever.**

 **"Be careful of her heart," her mother said before she made a giant splash down in the river. I looked over the bank and sure enough, she had disappeared. Scout was okay with her mother leaving though but I felt uneasy with her now. I felt her heart up against my chest and it was beating fast. I looked down to see my baby wife's heart beating and bleeding right before me.**

The sound of running water woke me up. It was eight o'clock in the morning already and I grunted as I pulled the sheets off me. I had an assignment for work and the deadline was noon and I still had to write the final copy. I had four hours starting now but I really had to go to the bathroom.

"Who is it?" Scout asked from inside. She sounded a little irritated already.

"It's Dill," I answered.

"Can you please go downstairs? I'm helping Atticus get washed up."

"Okay. Hey..."

"Hey what?"

"Are you okay?"

"Um, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'll see you downstairs."

That was the last thing I had said to her. God, she was moody this morning. I will try to be extra kind to her today, I decided. After all, I promised her mother that I would take care of her heart. Wait, did I actually tell her that I promise her?


	4. Just A Job To Do

Breakfast was quiet that morning. I made toast and coffee for all three of us. Scout was the cook in the house now and she was actually a good one. Calpurnia and Aunt Alexandra must have taught her a few things over the years or else she would be as clueless in the kitchen as I am. I was actually lucky I didn't burn the toast this morning. I was good at coffee though; I made it a lot when I was in Europe with machines much more complicated than the Sears catalouge ones that I'm sure everyone in Maycomb owned. I'm still amazed at how much my wife can guzzle coffee down and all I can do is thank God that she hasn't seen Europe yet because if she thought she was addicted to coffee before...

"Thank you," Scout said to me out of nowhere.

"What?" I asked. I was shocked by the interrupted silence.

"I said thank you. Thank you for breakfast."

"Yes," Atticus chimed in. "Thank you, Dill."

"You're welcome, both of you."

I've gotten good at not looking at Atticus while we were eating. He struggled with his special silverware and sometimes I would sit there waiting for his milk to spill, his hand would shake so violently. I felt bad for him but I would feel even worse if he knew I was staring at him in pity. I don't know how he manages to still work like he does but I don't want to see the day where he can't. The silence was disturbed once again with a knock on the door. It was quarter of nine and I knew it was Jem coming to pick Atticus up for work.

"I'll get it," I said as I sprinted up from my seat.

"You're mighty helpful this morning," Scout commented as I made my way to the door.

"Hey," Jem said to me as I pulled the door back.

"Hey."

"Is Atticus ready?"

"Yup. Just finshing up breakfast."

"I'm coming, Jem," Atticus called out as he kind of limped to the door with Scout not far behind him. Oh man, he was not in good shape today. There was a look of concern on Jem's face but it wasn't towards Atticus; it was for Scout. I could tell by the way his eyes were shifted.

"Are you okay, Jean Louise?" He asked.

"I'm fine, Jem. You know everybody's been asking me that."

"I haven't asked you that," Atticus retorted.

"I know," Scout chuckled as she kissed her father goodbye. I looked at my wife closely and I couldn't identify anything out of the ordinary with her. I looked at Jem who has now focused his attention to Atticus so he can help him down the steps. Nobody said goodbye to each other; we just kind of stood and stared until Atticus was safe in Jem's car.

"I guess I do feel tired," Scout said out of the blue. "Do I look tired?"

"No," I said.

"You telling the truth?"

"Yes."

"Don't you have an assignment to finish?"

"Yeah."

"Go get it done. I'll clean up the dishes."

"Go rest."

"When the dishes are done."

"You're not stubborn at all."

"Fuck you."

That was all she said to me as she walked away. I just stood there and laughed for a minute. That was my girl. I headed to the den to finally get that goddamn work done but I couldn't concentrate for the life of me when I got there. I heard the kitchen sink stop and I heard Scout's footsteps so I went to the door to watch her walk up the stairs. I shouldn't have done that because I noticed she was crying. What the hell was she crying for? I sighed and went back to my typewriter. I know I sound like a bad husband but I had a job to do.


	5. Please, Mr Postman

I had gotten my work done with an hour left to spare. That would give me just enough time to put my final draft in a double-stamped manilla envelople and hop in the car into the post office in town. Scout never left my mind but I still wasn't going to bring myself to go see her. I figured since I hadn't heard her coming down the stairs that she must have fallen asleep and if my feelings are correct than I would hate to disrupt her.

I continued to rack my brain trying to figure out what the hell she was crying about those few hours ago, even when I was driving to the post office. Last I knew she was sleeping good at night so I had a hard time believing she was so tired she crying. Maybe she broke a dish and cut herself while she was picking it up? No, it couldn't have been that; I would have heard the glass shatter and I would have heard her swear. I'm sure the coffee by that time was too cold to burn her; unless she heated it up in the microwave and burnt herself that way...

"Good morning," a postman from behind the desk greeted as I walked in.

"Good morning," I greeted back as I handed in my envelope. "I need this special delivery, please."

"Where to?"

"Venice, Italy."

"Charles Harris," he read my name and then shot me a look. His look caught me off guard. "As in Dill Harris?"

"Yup, that's me," I replied, apprehensively. This guy was making me nervous.

"You were the guy that married up Jean Louise Finch?"

"Yes. Jean Louise is my wife, sir."

"You're brave," he said with a snort.

"Excuse me?"

"She's a wild one, she is. I could tell you stories."

"Who are you, anyway?"

"Cecil Jacobs."

Cecil Jacobs. His name rang a bell: he was the one who loved to pick on Scout. Nice to see the guy's still a prick.

"Well," I said trying to keep my composure. "I'll be sure to tell her I saw you. Have a good day."

"Oh, she'll remember me."

"I'm sure she will," I said as I walked out the door. Wow, what an asshole he is. I get back in the car with slam and drive out of there as fast as I'm allowed. That Cecil now ranks up there with Hank and I would still love nothing more than to cut Hank's balls off with a rusty knife. I screech into Atticus' driveway and make a mad dash through the door. Cecil talking about my wife like that made me want to go to her even more. I was relieved to hear the whirl of the washing machine going; it meant she was up.

"Hey," she greeted as she carried another load of laundry from out of the laundry room.

"Hey," I said as I sat on the sofa. "You have to fold those?"

"Yeah, they were in the dryer since yesterday."

"I'll help you fold."

"Well, thanks. It's mostly towels anyway."

"I don't mind."

So she sat next to me and we began to fold. It will never cease to amaze me how much laundry accumulates daily between three people. And to think this used to be Calpurnia's life day in and day out.

"So did you get all your work done?" She asked as we were halfway done with our load.

"Yeah," I replied. "I just got back from the post office. I met an old friend of yours."

"Who's that?"

"Cecil Jacobs."

"That shithead!" She shrieked as she put her stack of newly folded towels back in the basket. "God, I'm sorry you had the misfortune of running into him."

"So am I," I agreed as I put my stack of towels and a few pairs of my underwear and socks back in the basket.

"What'd he say?"

"That he knew I married you and that you were a wild thing."

"Those are nothings new," she snorted out as she picked up the basket and headed to the downstairs bathroom.

"Glad to see you're feeling better," I commented before she could enter the other room.\

"I'm sorry about this morning," she said with a sad smirk.

"That's okay, honey. I'm just glad you're happy again."

"You saw me cry, didn't you?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you for not coming to me."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You oughta know by now that I say what I mean. I needed to be alone and you let me be alone. Thank you."

"Oh, well you're welcome."

"Doofus."

"You don't mean that."

"What did I just say?"

She ended that question with a smile and she went about her business. I just sat back on the sofa and laughed. I guess I'm a good husband after all.


	6. We Can Work It Out

"Jem!"

I was surprised to see him knocking at the door. It was around one and Scout and I had just settled down for lunch. Was he supposed to be here for lunch? Usually he went out to eat with Atticus or he went home to his wife but almost never to our house. The look on his face told me that whatever he came here for was a much bigger reason than to have lunch with was.

"Is Scout here?" Jem asked as he walked in.

"Hi, Jem," Scout greeted with a mouthful of food. "Are you hungry? I made egg and olive sandwiches."

"Scout, I..."

"Oh, yeah, that's right," she said with a swallow. "You don't like olives. I can make you a batch without olives."

"I didn't come here to eat," he said, obviously getting irritated. "I came here because I have to talk to you."

"Where's Atticus?"

Her face began to drop and I could tell that tears were beginning to well up already. Please, God, don't let this be what she thinks it is. She will absolutely crumble if this is the day that Atticus dies.

"Oh, knock it off, Scout," Jem snuffed. "Atticus is fine; he's at a luncheon meeting."

"Oh, thank God," Scout said as she put her hand to her heart. "Wait, why aren't you at the luncheon meeting with him?"

"Because I told ya I have to talk to ya."

"Excuse us, Dill," Scout said as she brushed past me and lead her brother up the stairs. Worry had come back to her voice and I could tell by the way they were both acting that this was serious. I was dying to find out what this was all about. As soon as I heard the door slam, I walked to the kitchen to grab a glass and then crept up the stairs as quietly as possible. I taught Jem the glass to the door trick and I wonder if it ever came in handy for him. I knew this was an immature, childish thing to do but I'm still an immature, childish kind of guy.

"Really?"

That was the first thing I heard. Scout said it and by the way she said it I could tell something big was happening. I knew it.

"Yeah. This is my make-it or break-it case, Scout. Just like Tom Robinson's was to Atticus."

Oh, I think I'm going to be sick now. Tom Robinson's trial was something I never wanted to go through again and to think that Jem would have to walk in his father's footsteps like that made me want to break down. Is Jem strong enough to handle this? He was as heartbroken as I was over Tom and I don't even want to know how deeply Atticus was affected by this.

"What are you going to do?"

"Do my job, Scout. What else can I do? You know, I don't want to do this but I'm going to ask if Sara's relatives in South Carolina will take her in until this all blows over."

"Are you kidding me? Jem, she's pregnant!"

"I know, that's why I'm doing it; she needs to be safe. We were almost killed over the circumstances of Tom's trial. I don't want them going after my wife and my unborn baby, Scout."

"Well, I'm staying right here."

"Why would I want you to leave?"

"Because I'm pregnant, too."

I fell over when she said that. I couldn't get back up or even breathe. My wife was pregnant. I heard the glass shatter and I knew I had been caught but I didn't care. The door creeked open and I looked up to find Jem stare down at me. I was afraid he would be mad but he was acutally kind of smiling at me.

"Did you hear that?" He asked me.

"Yeah," I replied, still not moving.

"Dill Harris," Scout's voice boomed as she looked at me. "What in the world are you doing? Get up! You're going to cut yourself!"

"He knows, Scout," Jem said.

"You know what?" Scout asked me.

"We're having a baby?"

"Yeah," she replied as she smiled and her tone of voice softened. "I was going to wait until Easter to tell you guys but..."

I kissed her before she could finish. Her breath tasted and smelt funny because of her egg and olive lunch but I didn't care that much. My arms found her waist and I held her tight as my lips found her neck. Jem blushed and began to walk away at that point and then I felt bad for making light out of this serious matter.

"Are you scared?" I whispered in her ear.

"Yeah," she wimpered in my ear. I kissed her cheek softly and cradled her.

"We're going to be okay, sweetheart."


	7. Stressed Out

Jem did end up having lunch with us after all. Jem said Atticus knew where he was told him to go ahead and stay until two because he figured Scout would whip him up something anyway and the meeting wasn't that important in regards to Jem. As chowed down on our egg salads and/or egg and olives and chugged our sweet iced teas, Jem filled me in on the parts that I had missed. He told me the trial involved one of Miss Lula's great-grandson's raping an underage white girl in Abbott County. A trial that seemed to me eerily similar to Tom's.

"Who's Miss Lula, again?" I asked.

"Remember that one time Cal took us to church?" Scout piped up. "I believe I told you about that one big lady who was rude to us..."

"Oh," I said. Scout's explanation wasn't helping me much. "I guess I really don't remember."

"Let it go," Jem sighed and took a swig of his sweet tea. "She's a nasty woman and so isn't her great-grandson. That's the difference between this trial and Tom's trial is that my guy actually did it."

"So you're defending a guy who's clear he's done what he's done?" Scout asked, appalled.

"Between his scummy attitude and the color of his skin, there's no way we're winning anything except a bad name."

"So why is there even going to be a trial?"

"No man left behind, Scout. They press charges, we have to go to court. We already know there's nothing I can do except give him a shorter jail sentence which knowing how backwards things are down here with our colored people isn't going to happen."

"Was he indited for anything before?"

"Burglary."

"Burglary and rape? Those are both class A felonies! How many years did they want to put him behind for?"

"Life."

"How many are you shooting for?"

"50. I told him that was the best we could aim for."

"This is a bad situation, Jem," Scout said as she put her face in her hands. I began to rub her arm as I nodded at Jem. I couldn't help but agree with her.

"No shit," he said as he looked at his watch. "I better go. It's ten of two."

"Come here," Scout said as she got up from the table to hug Jem goodbye. "You take of yourself. Don't be stupid."

"You don't be stupid," he said as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "You're carrying around my nephew or niece inside you."

"Please keep this a secret until Sunday okay?" She said as she kissed his cheek. "I don't need Atticus or Uncle Jack all riled up now. Atticus is probably upset enough as it is."

"He'll get over it," he said as he then walked over to me and patted me on the back. "Congratulations, man."

"Thanks."

"Do that to my sister again and I'll kill ya."

"Jem!" Scout exclaimed.

"At least you have a brother that cares, Scout," I said with a laugh.

"Yeah, you remember that, Dill," he said without a look back as he walked out the door. It was all okay; I knew he was kidding. I looked back at my wife who began to yawn.

"Ready for a nap?" I asked as I pulled her arm to get her to come closer to me.

"I'm exhausted."

"Let's go upstairs," I said as I got up and grabbed her other hand. "We'll have a nice afternoon nap together."

"But our dishes," she began. Ugh, her and her dishes!

"They'll be here when we wake up," I said as I began to jerk her out of the dining room. "Come on."

"If you say so," she said as she began to run up the stairs. If she thought she could beat me, she had another think coming. I jumped up the top step and then grabbed her and twirled her around. It wasn't until we were in our bedroom that I realized what I had done.

"I'm sorry," I said, breathlessly. "I shouldn't have done that. Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine," she replied with a laugh as I let her beat me to the bed. I climbed in not far behind her, though and I kissed her before we both drifted off to sleep. Too many different emotions at once made me tired.

"I love you," I said to her.

"I love you, too."

"I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you. I promise."

"I believe you," she said as she rolled over on the other side away from me. I rolled over to my own side and let the silence in the room creep in until I slowly drifted off to sleep.

 **"This court's now in session. Everybody rise," a man's voice boomed out of nowhere. I popped my eyes open to find myself in the town courtroom. How I wish I didn't have to find myself here.**

 **By the time it registered to me where I was, the people began to sit back down. I was up in the colored balcony again which was crowded again. I looked over the railing to find not Atticus in the defense lawyer's seat but Jem. Holy shit, was I predicting this trial? I sigh and slump back into my seat. I then couldn't help but smile at the fact that my wife was by my side. By this time, her pregnancy was beginning to show and I swelled with pride at the fact that my wife's belly was housing our baby. It just finally clicked what it was all about. I put my hand on Scout's knee and then I gasped out loud to find out it was not Scout, but her mother.**

 **"Is that what a gentleman does to his mother-in-law?" She asked, cold as ice. A sharp contrast to the grateful, happy woman I met at the Landing.**

 **"No, ma'am," I replied as I squirmed back in my seat.**

 **"My baby's heart's going to give out," she said out of the blue. What was her obsession with Scout's heart.**

 **"I promised you I was going to take care of it," I retorted.**

 **Gasps from the audience shook me out of Scout's mother's grip and I looked down to see Jem before the jury clutching at his chest. He had turned to my side of the courtroom and his skin was beginning to turn gray before our very eyes.**

 **"No, not again!" I heard Scout scream in my ear.**

 **I turned and looked to see that Jean had turned into Jean Louise. My mother-in-law managed to morph into my wife. She then looked at me with a look of horror I never want to see again.**

 **"Aren't you going to do anything?" She asked me.**

 **"Well, what am I supposed to do?"**

 **"Stay here," she said as I could only watch in horror as she leapt up on the railing. That was when I really noticed her dress: it was white with red roses and a big blood stain right in the middle of her butt. Oh my God, she miscarried again.**

 **"Wait," I said trying to pull her back. "Our baby!"**

Scout nudged me wake before I could watch her fall to her death to help her brother. I jolted up and shrieked as I looked at her smiling face. Her smile didn't last long as she found out she had woken me up from a bad dream. She cupped my chin with her hand and kissed my sweaty cheek.

"I'm sorry I scared you, honey," she said.

"It's okay, sweetheart," I said as I began to breathe again. "Why did you wake me up?"

"Five o'clock," she said. She didn't have to say anymore.

"Time to go meet Atticus," I said as we both got up to go greet the old man coming home from work just like we would do when we were kids and we didn't have a care in the world. Except for Boo Radley...


	8. Sunday Morning

Everything seemed to be all right again once Atticus came home that Friday night. We had dinner together and we talked but nothing more was said about Jem's pending trial. I was surprised Scout never brought it up again seeing as talking about the law was something she always loved to do with her father and her father didn't mind, in fact he mostly encouraged it. I think she sensed that Jem's trial was a big reason why I had my bad dream; that and her pregnancy. She must know deep down how scared I am even though I was doing my best to conceal it.

I was relieved to have a better night's sleep that night. I probably did dream but whatever it was wasn't worth remembering. Scout was sleeping real good at night these nights and now I know it must be her pregnancy hormones. I sometimes wonder if she dreams of her mother anymore. I don't come right out and ask because her mother is still a touchy subject with everyone even after all these years.

Saturday was a quiet day. All three of us just relaxed with the exception of Scout trying to get the Easter meal prepped for tomorrow. I was so proud of my wife for the way she has held herself together even after all she's been through. In one year she was betrayed by the man who she thought she was going to marry; she had a fall-out with her father; she found me and then she married me; Calpurnia passed away; and now she was pregnant. She is the strongest woman I know.

It's funny how the days where you do nothing are the ones that go by the fastest. Easter Sunday was here with just a blink and before I knew it we were getting dressed for church. I woke up to the sight of my naked wife pulling a pink, department store dress box out of our closet.

"Sneak," I said. "When'd you buy that?"

"About a week ago," she confessed. "I thought you would like it."

"Well, if I like it you better not go to church in it."

"Shut up!" She squealed as she came over and bonked me on the head with the box. I fell over and laughed; my wife was funny. I didn't get back up until I saw the door shut and then I leapt out of bed to get dressed. I had on my suit and tie by the time Scout came back in the room with her new dress on: it was a white dress with red roses on it and my jaw hit the floor.

"That mean you like it?" Scout blushed.

"Sure, honey," I said as I went over to her to hug her. I hoped I sounded convincing enough.

Meeting everyone at church was when the fun really began. Poor Scout once again banged her head off the car door; it's a wonder she can think at all with all the times she's whacked it. Then her Uncle Jack strolled by, laughing so hard that tears were coming out of his eyes. He then felt bad and kissed his niece and was going to kiss me only to realize I wasn't Jem. I wasn't surprised to smell alcohol on his breath; that guy hasn't been sober in ten years and I'm being nice when I say that. Then Jem showed up with Sara on his arm. Poor Sara looked like she hadn't had any slept in a week and Jem didn't look much better either. I felt so sorry for both of them.

Christ had risen and apparently Uncle Jack thought that I had risen for a very different reason. That dress spooked me the fuck out. That dream with her on the balcony gave my mind horrible flashbacks and all I can think about was that bloodstain on her butt. When we would rise occasionally, I would always check the back of her to make sure she wasn't bleeding. That was when Uncle Jack came in: after so many times, he said out loud to me, before the choir started back up again:

"Quit staring at my niece's ass!"

I heard a few ladies ahead of us gasp and my face turned beat red. I turned to look at Atticus who was scowling at Jack and then I looked at Jem who was ready to burst out laughing. Scout's face was just as red as mine and I kissed her cheek.

"What are you doing?" She whispered.

"It's not what it sounded like," I reassured her. "I was making sure you're all right."

"Does my dress look funny?"

"No, honey, you look fine. I'm sorry I embarrassed you."

"You didn't," she said as she took her turn to scowl at Jack.

So after that long, embarrassing Easter service was over, we all headed back to Atticus'. It seemed our day just got even more awkward because until dinner was ready, nobody said or did much of anything. Sara joined Scout in the kitchen while us men took turns reading the newspapers.

"Dinner's ready," Scout called from the kitchen as she set down the platter of rolls with Sara carried out a big bowl of mashed potatoes. Us men scrambled to our seats and oohed and awwed over our food and then absolutely drooled over the baked ham with pineapples, cherries, and cloves. I looked over at the potato salad and laughed; Calpurnia never served ham without potato salad. I was grateful to hear chewing cut through the strange silence in this house.

"This is good, honey," I said to Scout.

"Yeah," everybody else chimed in.

"I'm proud of you," Atticus said as he reached over and placed his hand on her shoulder. She was touched.

"It's just too bad that come January all the major holidays will be over," she said, slyly. I gulped; I knew what she was preparing herself for.

"There's always New Year's," Atticus said.

"I would like to cook for not one but for two special new people that will be here by then."

"Well," Atticus said as he wiped his mouth. "There's Jem's baby and..."

It was one of the most magical things I had ever saw. He realized what Scout was trying to tell him and his mouth gaped open. He looked at Jack (who returned his look) and then they both looked at Jem and Sara and they all looked back at us with tears in their eyes.

"I'm pregnant," Scout finally said with her own tears welling up.

"Usually I know but not this time," Atticus said as he got up, took Scout's face in his hands and kissed her sweetly on the cheek.

"I love you, Atticus," she said to him.

"I love you, too, baby," he said. I don't think he was ever going to let go of her face. He had to though when Uncle Jack came to do the same thing to her. He let go of her long enough to face me and then he playfully slugged my cheek.

"Ya think you can forgive me?" He asked me.

"Sure," I said with a laugh.

Scout was still to busy being doted on by Atticus and Jack to realize that Jem and Sara were hesitant to go to her. I looked over to see them deep in their own conversation. Jem was whispering so low I couldn't hear him but I swear I heard Sara say:

"Not now; everyone is too happy."


	9. Leave A Tender Moment Alone

Between mine and Scout's good news and our full bellies, everyone was floating on air. Even Jem and Sara were able to crack smiles as the meal went on. Though there was no denying their sad eyes. I thought about the dream from last night and began to wonder if it was not Scout bleeding but Sara. She still had her pregnant-looking belly but I don't know if you still have that after you had miscarried. I prayed that wasn't the case for Sara.

"I'll help you clean up," Sara said to Scout after we wiped our mouths of what was left of the lemon meringue pie.

"You don't have to, honey," Scout said. "Go ahead and rest if you'd rather."

"Restless is actually how I'm feeling," Sara then stated bluntly.

"Are you all right, Sara?" Atticus asked, concerned.

"Yes, Atticus, I'm fine."

"Well, come on then," Scout said as she got up and stretched. "All these dishes will make you tired."

Scout left the room and Sara followed as soon as she kissed Jem. When she left the room I looked at Atticus, then at Jack and all three of us looked at Jem. The look on his face said that he did have some explaining to do.

"Did something bad happen?" Atticus asked. He was growing more serious by the minute.

"Let's go talk in the living room," Jem said as he got up and walked out of the dining room. All three of us fell silent as we followed him. Jem was already pacing back and forth by the time we entered and we took our queues to sit down because this was going to be big.

"What is it, Jem?" Atticus asked.

"I already told Scout about this..."

I let out a big relief breath. I knew that it wasn't about his baby; the baby was fine. As long as the baby was fine that's all I cared about. Huh, thought like a true father-to-be.

"What about Scout?"

"When I skipped the luncheon the other day to come here. I told her about how this trial was risky business. So much so that I've arranged for her to spend the rest of the year with her family in South Carolina."

"Jem," Atticus said, shocked. "The rest of the year? Your baby is going to be here in September! Who knows when this trial is going to come into fruition, anyway?"

"Atticus, you remember how crazy the townspeople went when you defended Tom Robinson. I don't want my wife or my baby getting hurt over this. I can't put them through that."

"You and Scout are okay, Jem," Uncle Jack said, soundly. There was something about that statement that made Jem lose it. Tears began to stream down his face while he threw a punch in the air. I've never seen him lose control like this, ever.

"I don't want her to go away," he sobbed. "I want to be there for my baby. I need them to be okay and they won't be okay here. I know they won't be..."

Atticus got up without saying a word and hugged his son. Jem stood there and let him do it while he cried some more. If I thought Tom's trial cut deep before...

"I can't deal with this right now," Uncle Jack said as he got up to probably find more wine to numb himself with.

I could have dealt with this but I chose not to. Jem needed his father more than anyone right now and he's got him and nobody else matters. I got up and left that tender moment alone. I walked into the kitchen to go find Uncle Jack but I wound up finding Scout and Sara hugging each other. Sara was crying, too and I felt bad for walking in on them so I turned around to go upstairs to our bedroom.

"It's going to be okay," I heard Scout console her as I walked up the stairs.

The bed called my name the second I opened the door and I flopped on it. I flipped over on my back really fast and then regretted it; it made me nauseous. There was nothing left to do in this empty room but let the emotions sink until I was able to close my eyes and forget about it.

 **"Makes you sick, doesn't it?" I heard Mr. Dolphus Raymond ask as I opened my eyes to find myself as a young boy again at Tom's trial. Funny that Mr. Dolphus wasn't there but Scout and I were just as I remembered us. We were cute. I was having my crying fit still and it hurt to see me hurt. I have forgotten the little boy I once was sometimes.**

 **That was when I saw a beam of light coming toward us. It was golden and comforting and I knew it had to have been something heavenly. A woman appeared from the gold cloud and enveloped me in a hug. I began to get the chills; goosebumps began to form on my arms as I all of a sudden remember a hugging sensation from that day that I've never told anyone. I had even forgotten about it until I saw it for myself.**

 **"Who are you?" I called out to the angel lady.**

 **I should have known by the way she has been haunting my dreams that it was Scout's mother. I no longer felt comforted and instead felt anger. What did this woman want from me?**

 **"Why are you doing this?" I cried out. "Why won't you leave me alone?"**

 **"I am with you, too," she simply said as she smiled at me.**

 **"Why me?"**

 **"We all need someone to look after us. I was always there to help you, too."**

She had vanished quickly and I jumped out of bed to realize that it was actually dark. My God, I slept right through until late in the evening. The next thing I see is Scout getting undressed with tears flowing down her cheeks. She managed a smile for me, regardless.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"Promise me you won't find me crazy for saying this?"

"Promise."

She then crawled into bed and wrapped her legs around mine. I wrapped my arm around her neck and kissed her cheek. I sat there patiently waiting for her to say what she needed to say.

"I want my mom," she said with a whimper.

"That's not crazy," I said as I kissed her cheek again. "But I tell you, she's around. She's going to look after you, and Jem, and Sara, and Atticus..."

"And you," she added. "She would be there for you, too."


	10. Time

In one short week, Sara was boarding a train to South Carolina. Around nine o'clock, Jem had arrived at Atticus' house with Sara so Atticus, Scout and I could say goodbye to her. Jem wanted to the only one to see his wife off; that it would be too emotional for both him and her to have everyone there. I, for one, understood what he was saying and everyone was willing to respect his wishes. While this is what Jem wanted, it broke his heart to send her away. He obviously loved her very much.

When they were at the house, I noticed how they both looked better: the rings around their eyes were gone and they looked refreshed; like they were finally able to get some sleep or something. That's when I knew for sure that this was the right thing to do even though it was a very hard thing to do. Atticus was the first in line to say goodbye and I could tell how much he thought of her like a daughter by the way he sended her off. I also saw it in Scout how much she must have thought of her like a sister by the way she said goodbye to her. I always thought that she would have been hell to the girl that got Jem because she idolized her brother and I am happy to see that it clearly not the case. Then it was my turn...

"Bye," I said as I reached out to hug my sister-in-law. "Everything's going to be just fine."

"Thanks, Dill," she said before she whispered in my ear, "Take care of Scout."

"I'll do my best," I whispered back with a chuckle.

"She's a tough cookie," she said as she let me go. She then gave everyone and the house one last look before tears welled up in her eyes and she took Jem's arm to walk out the door. She gave everyone a wave goodbye as she walked away and I bet she never saw us wave back to her.

The tough cookie crumbled after Jem closed the door behind and Scout fell into me, crying. It was a sad situation but man, pregnancy must really be getting to her because I don't know if I've ever seen her so emotional. I heard Atticus grunt and I watched him walk away and into the other room. He seemed angry and I began to wonder if he was angry at me. Did he think he was going to be the one Scout would run to? Did it somehow finally occur to him how serious mine and Scout's relationship actually was? Sure, I've made myself look like an ass numerous times in front of him but I love her and I think it shows by the way she turns to me now when times get rough. Another thought that I don't want to think pops into my head: was he actually mad at Scout for not being strong? I don't know if I could walk away from my child the way Atticus just did.

"I'm sorry," Scout sobbed in my ear.

"You're okay, sweetheart," I said as I kissed her cheek. "Why don't you go upstairs and lay down?"

"I guess I will," she said as she looked at me. I smiled at her which made her smile back. I gave her lips a kiss and I took her face in my hands. "You're okay," I repeated. "I will be there with you soon, okay?"

"Okay," she replied as she kissed me and I let her face go. I watched her walk up the stairs, wiping away her tears the whole way. My poor wife; I feel sad because she's so sad. I walked away when I heard our bedroom door shut and I walked into the other room to see how Atticus was holding up. It lead me to his study and I creaked the door open as I found him looking at his pocket watch, amazed he could even open it with how bad his joints have been flaring up lately.

"Come in," Atticus said to me as I knocked on the door.

"Are you all right, sir?" I asked as I walked in.

"I was thinking about time," Atticus replied.

"What, sir?"

"I was thinking about time. Not so much what time it is but time itself. All the minutes, the hours, the days and the months; they turned into years. I wish it was kinder to my children."

I gulped; the poor man was in more despair than I thought. I was getting ready to cry myself. That was when I thought of what Uncle Jack said to Jem last week and I felt it was an appropriate time to repeat it.

"Jem and Scout are okay, sir."

He finally turned around, closed the pocket watch and looked at me. He hadn't been crying but man his eyes were sad. I stood there waiting for him to do something and he wouldn't for the longest time. I jumped when he got up from his desk chair, walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Thank you," he said to me.


	11. With Arms Wide Open

I was feeling okay again once I had made sure Atticus was okay. After our talk, Atticus had decided to catch up on some work for himself to keep his mind off Jem. I asked him if he was taking a day off or two and Atticus had replied, no; he needed to make sure that he was going to be there to get prepared for this trial. He confided in me that things were actually rolling along rapidly and we might have the trial as early as the summer. I got happy and I thought to myself that this was a good thing because maybe Sara would be able to come back home earlier. It didn't last long though because Tom's trial was in the summer and he tried to kill Scout and Jem on Halloween. I guess it's always good to have hope even if it's just for a little while. I thanked Atticus for his time and he said the same to me and I was out of there.

I didn't go upstairs to see Scout right away after that, though. If I know my wife she's probably asleep by now. Sleep comes easy to her between her pregnancy and everybody's stress. I made a trip to the laundry room and saw there was a dirty bin full, so I threw that in the washer and checked the dryer to see another load waiting to be folded. I stayed in the room until that load was folded and the washer was done so I could put the next round in the dryer. Plus, staying down here gave me a chance to cry and worry about this situation. I didn't really have time between trying to stay strong for my wife, especially but also for Atticus. I felt like I didn't really have anyone to vent to and the thought of it made me kind of resentful. I hadn't even dared tell Scout about the dreams I've been having about her mother let alone how scared I am for everyone about this new trial ordeal.

The sound of the washing machine buzzer made me snap out of it. I quickly dried my tears and repressed my feelings as I stuffed shirts, pants, dresses, underwear and socks of all kinds into the dryer. Now to put away the clothes that I had folded. Here I go again with the big guy farce. I stocked the linen in the downstairs bathroom first, then upstairs to put another load of linenin that bathroom, and back to my room to put away Scout's "delicates." I opened the door quietly because I didn't want to wake up her up but to my surprise, she was sitting up right like she was waiting for me.

"So that's where you were?" She asked with a big smile that made me smile.

"Yeah, you could say that," I said as her delicates went into her top dresser drawer.

"Come here," she said with her arms wide open. I happily obliged and dropped onto the bed and crashed into her while she kissed me hard on the mouth. Her arms went around my waist and she held me tight like she never wanted to let me go. Poor thing.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. I hoped I didn't crash into her too much; our baby was in there.

"I should be asking you that," she said with a sad sigh.

"Why?"

"Dill, honey, you've been so strong through all of this and I don't understand how. Everything's so crazy now. I'm sorry I never stopped to ask you before now."

"Don't worry about me, sweetheart," I replied, maybe a little too cold.

"I'm sorry about a lot of things," she said, sounding a little hurt. That was the last thing I wanted for her to feel. "I'm sorry I never say, 'I love you,' first..."

"Honey," I was flabbergasted. "I know you love me. That thought never even occured to me."

"I just think sometimes I don't show enough just how much you mean to me," she said as she began to rub my back. "I want you to know that I'm doing the best that I can to be a good wife to you."

"Honey, you are a good wife," I said as I turned back to lay next to her. "I never even wanted a wife until you came along. If I was going through hell, you would be the one I would want by my side."

"I think there were times I was your hell," she said with a blushing smile.

"So what if you were?"

"I love you," she said as she put her hand on my face and kissed me.

"There, you said it," I said with a laugh as she slapped my knee. "Feel better now?"

"Yes," she said, still smiling. "I'm still tired though."

"I promise I'll be here until you fall asleep," I told her as she rolled back over. I rubbed her back as I heard her breathing get easier and easier until I knew she drifted off to sleep.

"I love you, too," I said as I kissed her cheek. "Never forget that."


	12. It's Your Love

Great pain makes great art or so they say. Looking back, I've realized that not only have my best pieces of work had come through my relationships with the Finch family but of all the emotional happenings that I have gone through with them. Scout may still be a little freaked out by the fact that her and her family are regular topics of my stories but I don't think she has any idea of how much of a muse she is. I'm no musician; I couldn't really write a song to save my soul but I could write a simple truth to a story and I feel it could be rather similar. The letters I had gotten from readers who praise the little girl I knew and the woman I would fall in love with over again; her courageous brother and the man who who raised them both, speak volumes. You three will never know how much you have touched people.

So I had decided on that Monday afternoon that my pain in response to our situaton would go into my new piece. The pain I felt from my brother-in-law having to send his pregnant wife away to keep her from harm from the townspeople's hate and ignorance; the pain of having my own pregnant wife live in fear of having to watch her brother go through what her father did and trying so hard to be strong against the odds; Atticus' pain of having to watch his son go through his pain firsthand and once again having to live with the fact that his children are most likely going to be in harm's way; and to top it all off, the worry that all five of us have about the two little babies that we haven't met yet but yet they are walking along this road with us.

I don't think I have ever finished a piece so fast. I was done in just a few hours. I didn't care if there were any silly mistakes in there; that's what agencies hire proof-readers for. This was probably my most personal story yet and I was ready already to share it with the world. Another manilla envelope, another couple of stamps and an old familiar address stamp later, I was on my way to the post office. I was glad to see that no one was really there and that was good because I was on fire and the sooner this got mailed, the better off I would be. There was nobody in line to stand between me and Cecil Jacobs. I was not happy to see him again but he grinned at me as I made my stroll to the clerk desk.

"Charles Harris," he greeted. "How are you today?"

"Fine, thank you," I said, feeling okay now that I feel like he is trying to be a decent human being. "How are you?"

"Better all the time," he said as he stamped an international approval on my envelope. "Heard your brother-in-law has got quite the case on his hands, huh?"

The memory of Scout beating him up for calling Atticus a "nigger-lover" all those years ago flooded back. I may be the one to beat him up today...

"Yes, he has," I replied, trying to not let him bother me.

"A son following in his old man's footsteps; nothing like it."

"I quite agree."

"How's your wife? Did she enjoy the lady's coffee at the country club yesterday?"

"No. What coffee? I know she likes to play golf but I didn't know they had coffees there."

"Must be she doesn't get invited. After all, it is for the ladies..."

My blood had begun to boil when he said that. Who the hell did he think he was? That was my wife that he was insulting! I don't feel like going to jail today so I simply give him a dirty look and walk out the door. I seriously consider taking the hour drive to the Abbott County Post Office from now on just to avoid ever running into him again. I felt so blinded with rage that I almost didn't see Jem pull up into the driveway the same time I did.

"Whoa man," Jem said as we both got out of the car once we parked. "What the fuck?"

"Jeremy!" Atticus scowled as he got out of the passenger seat.

"One man, Jem," I was ready to explain. "Cecil Jacobs."

"Where'd you run into that old fuckface?"

"Jeremy!" Atticus scowled once again.

"He works at the post office downtown and insults Scout whenever I see him."

"Oh," Jem said with a pissy-looking face. "He's still mad because Scout wouldn't give out to him in high school."

"Jeremy!"

"Well, it's true, Atticus."

"Some truths don't need to be told, son."

"What's going on out here?" Scout asked as she walked out of the screen door and onto the front porch. Man, she looked good today. Her face was glowing in the late afternoon sun and she looked so pretty in her sleevless shirt, white pants, and messy bun.

"Nothing," I said, dumbstruck. "We're just talking."

"Well, I got a pork roast that just came out of the oven so y'all can come in and eat!"

"Ah man!" Jem said as he ran like a kid up the stairs with Atticus laughing and following slowly behind him.

"Are you okay?" Scout asked Atticus as she got him by the arm and helped him up the stairs. And Cecil Jacobs doesn't consider her a lady.

"I'm fine, baby," Atticus said as he reached the top step and kissed her cheek before heading into the house.

"What are you standing there, for?" Scout asked me as her father shut the door behind him.

"Just staring at you," I admitted.

"Well," she said with a blush. "You could always look at me inside the house, too, you know?"

"There'd be too many people in there watching me look at you."

"Oh, just get in the house, will you?"

I guess I better do what she says. I ran up the porch steps like a goon while Scout laughed at me. As I reached the top step, I grabbed her and hugged her tight. She decided to be playful with me, too, because she began to kiss that sweet spot on my neck that only she ever knew about.

"What's gotten into you?" She whispered in my ear.

"You."


	13. Scenes From An Italian Restaurant

"You're starting to show," I commented.

It was that wonderful time of night when everyone had gone to bed so we could go to bed. Jem had moved back in with us while Sara was away. He would still pay the bills and the mortgage and check in on it once in a while to make sure it was clean, but he said he couldn't live in that house without her because he would feel too empty. I thought of what I would do in his position if it were Scout who left. It was silly of me to do that because Scout wouldn't leave; somebody had to help take care of Atticus and she would want to be here for Jem, no matter how scary things might become. That's how strong she is.

"Am I now?" Scout answered back as she undressed.

"Yeah, you look good," I said with a smile.

"Thanks," she said as she put a shirt on to cover herself up. She never does a good job.

"That's my shirt," I told her as she climbed into bed with me. I wrapped an arm around her and she nestled her head in between my ribs.

"Does it look good on me?"

"Yup."

"Are you lying?"

"Nope."

"You better not be," she concluded with a kiss.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," I said to her as I returned her kiss and then rolled over.

"Goodnight," she replied as my eyes fluttered shut and I was not of this world anymore.

 **The sound of seagulls made my eyes flutter open again. I saw alleyways covered in water and able-bodied men with paddles pushing through the water with their boats. I was back in Venice, Italy and I breathed in the salty air that once made me feel at home. The more I breathe, the more I feel it. The sounds of people began to flood my ears. Oh, I thought I would never hear fluent Italian being spoken again. I looked at the handsome men in their suits; they were laughing and enjoying their meal. They were either with their male friends or their girlfriends/wives. The groups of ladies were equally enjoying their time as well. They looked dazzling in their little black dresses with their black hats, black sunglasses and white gloves. So, so lovely to look at.**

 **Then there was my wife. She was sitting across from me and I've never seen her look so out of place in my life. I know Scout could get cleaned up and dressed up as well as anyone when need be but I couldn't believe how, what was the word? _Plain._ She looked plain. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun (her now signature hair style), she wore a pair of overalls but no top; not even a bra that I can see.**

 **"What's the matter?" She asked as she took a sip of lemonade. I knew it was not limencello because they would have served it to her in a champagne flute. Also, because she's Scout and Scout doesn't like to drink.**

 **"You look very American," I commented.**

 **"We are American," she laughed as she continued to sip her lemonade. "I must look funny."**

 **"Well, you're a grown woman now and I must say that wearing overalls with no top is not cute anymore."**

 **"I thought you liked my overalls."**

 **"I do."**

 **"Then shut up," she said with a salty attitude as she picked up the paper. I read the headlines and all the writing was in Italian but there she was reading it like she understood the language all her life. How was she doing this? I really wanted to ask her if she understood that the front page headline was that Jeremy Finch lost his case. Wait, what...**

 **"Now what's the matter?" She asked as she folded the paper down to look at me.**

 **"Did you read the front page?"**

 **"Yeah. So what?"**

 **"So what? Your brother lost the case!"**

 **"And you're surprised by that? Did you forget where we live?"**

 **A baby's cry in the distance got my attention. I looked around to see where it may have been coming from but it wasn't from our table.**

 **"You sure are acting strange," she commented.**

 **"I heard a baby cry."**

 **"Well, no need to worry because it's not yours."**

 **"Where is our baby?"**

 **"Not here."**

 **"What do you mean it's not here?"**

 **The next thing I heard freaked me out even more: a heartbeat. It was beating fast at first but then I looked at Scout again and it had slowed down.**

 **"Is that your heart I'm hearing?"**

 **"Yes."**

 **"Why can I hear it from all the way over here?"**

 **"You know my heart, Dill."**

That was the last thing she had said to me before I had woken up. I opened my eyes to find my wife sleeping peacefully by my side. I crawled over to her and rested my head up against her chest to hear her heartbeat. It sounded okay to me and I placed my hand on her belly and I'm sure the baby was still there. I looked up at Scout's face and there was nothing plain about her.

"Dill Harris," she mumbled. I jumped in shock. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure you're okay."

"You have a creepy way of doing it, you know."

"Sorry," I said as I rolled over again and she began to rub my back.

"I'm okay, honey," she said with a chuckle. "Go to sleep."


	14. You'll Be In My Heart

**A/N: Scout is going to be doing something that might upset some of you but keep in mind that we are still in the 50's here and this is just the way it was back then. That said, enjoy this new chapter!**

The amount of letters from my fan base all over Europe was overwhelming. England, Ireland, Italy, Germany; almost every country in Europe you could name sent letters full of warmth, love and support to me and the Finch family. I could not help but share the kind words to Scout, Jem and Atticus and those words of comfort kept us going when it seemed the going kept on getting tougher.

Jem, naturally, was the one that was taking things the hardest. It was not easy for him living here in his father's house again and knowing that Sara and his baby were so far away from him. He was so touched by the letters from the European strangers that he would take a few from time to time to the office, copy them, and then mail them forward to Sara in South Carolina. Sara would write back saying how much it meant to her that so many people from all over were thinking of her and cheering us all on. She had found another gynecologist in South Carolina and would uspdate us on how the baby was progressing. Both baby and mother were doing just fine and we all prayed that it would stay that way.

Scout's pregnancy was going along just fine as well. She was in her second trimester already and my anxiety over her had begun to die down a bit. Her sadness and exhaustion seemed to have decreased and she was up for being active again. It was June, which meant summer was in full swing and if I know my wife, this was the season where she always came alive. Lord knows I always did, too. I'm beginning to wonder how much we owe each other for that.

Despite the dysfunctional new ease the Finch family found ourselves in, the rest of the town was uneasy about this new controversial case. We all knew it was going to be this way and we all tried our best to mentally prepare ourselves for it but it was harder than I imagined it to be. I was reminded of how much I actually wasn't there when the Tom Robinson trial began to unfold. It took two years for his case to finally come to trial and there were a lot of bad things said while I was away with my mother in Mississippi. Cecil Jacobs being one of the handfuls of people giving my wife a hard time way back when.

"I'm going to the Jitney Jungle to pick up a chicken to roast," Scout said to me on the scorching hot first day of summer afternoon. "Do you want anything special?"

"Nope," I replied, not looking up from a rough draft I was editing to type.

"You sure?"

"Yup."

"What are you writing about now?"

"Stupid bullshit, to be honest."

"I'm happy you can help Atticus pay the bills with bullshit."

"You and me both, sweetheart," I said as I looked at her with a smile. "You and me both."

"I better go get that chicken or we'll never have dinner."

"It's three o'clock in the afternoon; we don't even eat until six or six-thirty."

"I'm cooking it slow because it's hotter than hell."

"Oh."

There was nothing else to say and so she was on her way. I looked over my papers again and realized that my topic of revisiting summer in the deep south was not exactly thrilling. I cradled my head in my head because I realized that this really didn't turn out all that well. A mockingbird screeched from the screen door and I looked on as it swept through the air and landed on one of the neighboring trees. I stepped outside and breathed in the sweet summer air that comes in June. By August the summer air smell will be more stale than out-of-date bread. I pulled out a patio chair and viewed my surroundings. Childhood memories flooded back to me and I drifted off into a light sleep.

 ** _"I'm flying high, Dill!"_**

 ** _I saw my wife as a little girl again and I swear I fell in love again. I had forgotten how cute she was back then. Once again, she was wearing overalls and no top but this time it didn't bother me a bit. She was flying up to the heavens on top of her tire swing that she used to love so much._**

 ** _"You sure are," I finally replied. "What are you swinging so high for?"_**

 ** _"I want to see if I can reach heaven."_**

 ** _"What for?"_**

 ** _"Maybe mama will catch me if I get high enough."_**

 ** _"What do you want to see your mother for?"_**

 ** _"I just wanna say hi, Dill."_**

 ** _"Don't go, please!"_**

 ** _"Why not?"_**

 ** _"I don't want you to die!"_**

 ** _"Who said anything about dying, Dill?"_**

 ** _"You have to die to go to heaven."_**

 ** _"Well, that's not fair," she said as she slowly started to come back down to earth. "You don't have to die to go to hell."_**

 ** _"You know," I paused to think about what she just said. "You're right; that's not fair!"_**

 ** _By that time, she was on ground level again. She looked upset and I didn't blame her. Maybe I shouldn't have said that to her but I wanted her to be safe._**

 ** _"Why don't you want me to go to heaven?" She asked out of the blue. "I would be happy there."_**

 ** _"I wouldn't be happy knowing you were there."_**

 ** _"Why? Cause you don't want me to be happy?"_**

 ** _"Of course I want you to be happy! I just don't want to lose you, that's all."_**

 ** _"You could never lose me, Dill. I would be in your heart."_**

 ** _"You're already in my heart and you always will be there, I promise."_**

That was when I woke up. The mockingbird screeched again and I rubbed my eyes awake. I looked over and was surprised to see my wife outside with me. She was leaning against the deck, smoking a cigarette.

"I didn't hear you come in," I commented as she turned and looked at me.

"I fucking hate this place," she said as she took a long drag. "That whole store was talking about Jem and I."

"What were they saying?"

"Poor Atticus Finch," she said as she began to cry. "His son's a slimeball and his daughter's a hussy. Nice to know some women mentally never graduate high school."

"Sadly, sweetheart, if you have a past, nobody will let you forget it."

"I'm sorry you married me. I'm such a disgrace."

"I'm not sorry I married you," I said as I got up from the swing and hugged her around her waist. "I love a good hussy."

"Well, okay," she said with a laugh as I pinched her butt. "I love a good dork."

"That's what I am," I agreed. I rested my head on her chest as I thought of my new topic for my story: small town, petty bullshit. I'm glad I have a wife who gives me stuff to write about. While my face was pretty much cradled in between her breasts, I noticed that heartbeat was off. That realization left her mother's warning ringing in my ears.


	15. Intuition

"Dill!" Uncle Jack exclaimed as soon as he opened the door.

"Good evening, Uncle Jack," I greeted with a handshake.

"Come on in, my boy, come on in!"

He was certainly in a good mood today. He must have had two bottles of brandy instead of one. His house looked like shit: there were empty bottles of liquor all across his bar, there was all kinds of mail scattered all over his table and there was a faint smell of urine to top it all off. I'm beginning to wonder if his now blind, old cat can even see her litter box.

"Have a seat," he said as he went back to his liquor cabinet. "Stay a while if you can. You want something to drink?"

"No, thank you, sir," I asked as I hesitantly sat at his kitchen table. I cringed as I heard the bottle top pop and the flow of more alcohol hitting his high ball glass.

"Say, what are you doing here anyway?" he asked as he drank half of his glass with one gulp.

"I wanted to talk about Scout," I said, in a timid manner.

"Is she all right?" He asked as he gulped his other half of the glass. I was relieved when he set it down and walked over to me so we could talk.

"Uncle Jack," I gulped. "What exactly happened to her mother when she died?"

"She dropped dead of a heart attack," he said with a shrug. I guess he didn't know a whole lot more than that, either. "I thought you knew that already."

"I did but really? She just up and died one day?"

"Yeah. Broke all our hearts, too. She was a one in a million if you know what I mean."

"I guess so," I replied, starting to get creeped out by the way he was talking about her. "I've dreamt of her a few times."

"Oh?"

"The first time she came to me she was holding baby Scout in her arms and when it was my turn to hold her she warned me about her heart."

"I see."

"It ran in her mother's family, didn't it? The heart disease?"

"Yes."

"So there's a good chance that Scout has it, too?"

"Well, that's just the thing, my boy. Just because it runs in the family, it doesn't mean one is going to carry it on. Jean, Scout and Jem's mother, never showed any signs that she was suseptible to an attack. She was healthy, vibrant, full of life, never had any problems when she became pregnant; nothing. It just came all at once. There was nothing anybody could have done to save her that day."

"I'm scared for her."

"Well, what do the doctor's say?"

"That everything is fine but I just have this gut feeling and it seems as though her mother won't let me let it go. I was hugging her earlier and my ear happened to be where I can hear her heartbeat and it was off, I could tell."

"Number one," he said with concern. "When you hug my niece, you make sure your head is over her shoulder and number two, what exactly do you want me to do about it?"

"Well," I was flabbergasted. Didn't he just hear what I told him? That was his niece we were talking about! "You're the doctor of the family. Can you just swing by the house and check her out? Get some vitals or something?"

"Does she know you're even here?"

"No."

"She's going to be mad when she finds out what you're up to."

"I'm trying to make sure my wife is okay, sir," I say, trying not to get angry despite myself. "I thought if you heard how I was feeling that you would be concerned too but I guess not. I think I'll get going now."

"Wait," he said as he grabbed my arm. "Let me grab my bag and I'll come over to the house. I guess I owe my only son-in-law that I know of some piece of mind."

"Thank you so much, sir," I said with a sigh of relief.

I watched him run to one side of the house and back again in no time. He moved fast and steady for a drunk. We both galloped down the steps and into the car. I thought about what he said about Scout being mad about springing this on her and he was right, she maybe mad. I didn't care though. Something or somebody (probably her mother) was telling me this was the right thing to do. We met Jem and Atticus pulling into the driveway once again.

"What are you doing here, Jack?" Atticus asked as he got out of the car.

"Yeah, Uncle Jack," Jem agreed as he got out himself.

"Dill wants to make sure Scout's heart is all right."

"Why do you think something's wrong with her heart, Dill?" Atticus asked.

"It just doesn't sound right."

"I think you're paranoid, Dill, being a new dad and all," Jem commented.

"Now Jem," Atticus intervened. "Dill is just looking out for your sister, here. No need for judgement from you. Go on ahead Dill and Jack."

"Thank you, sir," I said. Atticus sounded concerned and I didn't blame him. The last thing he needed was to think about potentionally losing his only daughter if something was wrong. Uncle Jack was the first one in the house and Scout looked up from the sofa, shocked as anyone to see him there.

"What are you doing here, Uncle Jack?" She asked, kind of breathy which raised a red flag for me.

"Are you okay, sweet?" He asked, kneeling down to look at her face-to-face.

"I was fine until I went to the Jitney Jungle earlier," Scout replied, honestly. Poor Scout.

"Why don't you three go in the other room?" Uncle Jack then said to Jem, Atticus and I.

"Why can't they stay?"

"Dill told me there was something off with your heartbeat and I'm here to calm his nerves."

"He worries too much," she said as she turned to look at me with daggar's in her eyes. "I don't need this, Dill."

"Honey," Atticus spoke up on my behalf. "He's only looking out for you. Why don't you just do what Uncle Jack wants?"

"Well," she huffed. "Okay. You can go now because I can guarantee there is nothing to see here."

"All right," Atticus said as he took Jem and I by our arms and lead us into the dining room. I caught Jem looking at me with the daggars now. He was ready to light into me as soon as we walked in.

"You some kind of crazy? What are you thinking?"

"Jem," Atticus' voice boomed. "I told you to leave the poor fellow alone. He is looking out for your sister, here."

"Atticus, there is too much going on this family without his neuroses driving everyone insane."

"Atticus!" Uncle Jack's voice bellowed through the house. Atticus, without saying a word, jumped up and galloped to the living room as if he were twenty-five years old again. Jem looked like he was already eating his words and I just threw him a smug grin. It didn't stay on my face for very long because then I remembered what I was right about.

"Dill," Atticus came rushing in again. His face was slate white. "I need you to help Uncle Jack and I bring Scout to the hospital. Jem, I need you to call Dr. Reynolds Jr and tell him to meet us there. Her heartbeat is irregular and her blood pressure is sky high."

I didn't even wait for Jem's reaction; I shot up and ran past Atticus to the living room. Uncle Jack was still kneeling on the floor with Scout sobbing in his arms. He looked up at me and gave me an appreciative smile.

"Thank God someone follows their heart around here," he said. I was too worried about my wife to be smug. I went over to her and picked her up off the couch. She clung to me tightly as she sobbed into my shoulder.

"I'm so, so sorry," she said as her tears ran down my neck.

"You're going to be fine," I said as I made my way to the front door. Uncle Jack was there to open the door for me. I carefully yet quickly walked down the porch stairs and got her into the backseat again with Uncle Jack's help. I kept an eye on Atticus who limped along behind us.

"I'll sit in the back with Scout, brother," Uncle Jack said as we positioned Scout so he could climb in.

"All right," Atticus whispered gravely as he made his way to the passenger seat.

As soon as everybody was squared away in the car, I jumped in the driver's seat and started the ignition. I drove as fast as I could without getting arrested. I needed to get us to the hospital. My wife needed to be okay. I needed her to be okay. For the first time, I honestly didn't care if the baby made it or not.


	16. Hemorrhage

We lost our baby. Scout felt no pain on our way to the hospital and didn't feel the blood run out of her. It wasn't until I had picked her up out of the car that we realized what had happened on the way here. I wrapped my arm around her butt for support while lifting her and I felt the wet, sticky, heavy liquid on the palm of my head. Uncle Jack and I both noticed the big blood stain on the back seat at the same time and I don't even know how he looked because I was too busy trying to hold back my tears. It really wasn't until Atticus, the strongest man I ever knew, silently walked to the trunk of the car, grabbed a blanket, and wrapped it around her bottom, did Scout realize what had happened.

"I'm having a miscarriage, aren't I?" She whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," I whispered back.

I braced myself for what she was going to do next. I held her closer to me and cringed because she might scream out but she did nothing. Her heart, sick as is was, was still beating up against mine and I could feel her breath on my neck. Knowing those things made me keep on walking into the hospital with Atticus and Uncle Jack behind me.

 _Stay with me, Scout, stay with me. You're not leaving me, too._

I don't know how Dr. Reynolds Jr. ended up beating us there but there he was waiting for us. He quickly signaled for the emergency room nurses to bring a gurney and then with his help, I laid my wife down to be wheeled away.

"This is not your fault," I said to her. I didn't kiss her,I didn't tell her I loved her, just told her to not blame herself. All I could do now was pray that what I said was enough.

It wasn't until my wife was out of sight that I looked down at myself. I had blood on my hands and blood all down the front of my white polo shirt. My wife's blood. God, I could have been mistaken for a goddamned gun shot victim. The most amazing thing about it all? I didn't care. I took a seat and began to bawl my eyes out. It wasn't long before I felt a hand rub the back of my neck. I looked up to find Atticus standing over me.

"I sure am sorry, Atticus," I said as I breathed heavily into my hands.

"It's not your fault either, Dill."

"What do you think I should do? Tell me what you think I should do."

"Wash your hands and go home to Jem."

"What about Scout, though? What if she needs me and I'm not here."

"Then I will call the house and tell you to come over, that's all. Jack and I are here to watch over her. You already did your part. Who knows where'd we be right now without you listening to your gut."

"I just wouldn't feel right, sir."

"Son," he said and I shot up in the air. Did he really just call me that? "You asked me what you should do and I told you. Will you do it?"

"Yes," I said as I went to give him a hug but then I stopped because I realized I had blood all over my shirt. Atticus noticed I caught myself and he managed a chuckle. I guess it was a funny thing for me to do.

"Wash your hands and go home," he repeated.

"Yes, sir," I said as I went into the nearby bathroom to wash up.

A funny thing happened while I was at the sink, I looked in the mirror and realized how much I aged. Stress was starting to fuck with me already, I guess. When I walked out there was no sign of Atticus or Uncle Jack anywhere. I was going to follow Atticus' advice and just go home anyway. A part of me felt a calm wash over me as I walked out of the hospital. Scout was going to be all right after all is what the voice inside my head said. I tried to focus on that feeling on the way home rather than dwell on our baby that nobody could do anything about, sad as it was.

"Dill!" Jem screamed and ran out to me as soon as I walked in the door. He immeadiately stopped and covered his mouth and I knew it was about the blood.

"Hello, Jem," I greeted, uneasy.

"Goddamnit!" He wailed as he threw himself on the floor and punched the hardwood. "Fuck it all!"

"Jem," I said, breathless. He was starting to scare me and I couldn't help but start crying with him. "She miscarried on the way to the hospital. I'm so sorry."

"You're sorry?" He said as he got up. "You're sorry? I'm the one who's the fucking jerk around here!"

"No, you're not."

"You fucking save my sister's life, or you try to, and I'm a total bastard about it."

"You got scared, so what? I was scared, too."

"You're a better man than I am."

"Doubt it."

"Like now, you just lost your baby and here you are consoling everyone and all I've got is a fucking court case and I shove everyone away from me. I gotta be the biggest fucking coward on the planet!"

"So what do you want from me, douchebag? You want me to say, 'yes, Jem Finch, you're a fucking coward'?"

"Yes! Do it!"

"You're a fucking coward, Jem Finch."

Well, his eyes turned a dull red and he huffed as he came over to me. If he was going to cold cock me, I hope he does me in the first time. He wasn't going to; he grabbed my blood-stained shirt and ripped it right down the middle. I watched him tear what was left of it off me and almost didn't feel it when he hugged me. He bawled as he squeezed me tight in the loving way.

"I'm sorry, man."

"Yeah, me too."


	17. Hair Of The Dog

That night was the first night where I got a real tast of what Atticus must have felt after all these years. Scout would be home in a day or two but that does not make the emptiness of night time any less. I felt lost without her lying by my side in the bed. I would roll over on my side and go to rub her back only to remember that she wasn't there. I never wanted a goodnight kiss so badly before.

"I love you, Scout," I said out loud a few times while I was tossing and turning.

Then that miracle moment happens when you subconsciously realize you did fall asleep after all. As I drifted off into a dream, I heard a baby cry. That was the last thing I wanted to hear. Yet I told myself to keep on with the dream that was unfolding because it was probably important.

 **"Mommy's here," I heard Jean say. I've never properly met the lady but because of her dream visits, I know her voice. "Yes, mommy's here."**

 **And there she was. I remember Scout's childhood house and that's exactly where we were. The funny thing is, I don't remember this particular room. Must be this was how Scout's bedroom originally looked as a nursery.**

 **Scout was the baby that was crying. If the crying broke my heart before, realizing who was actually crying really did smash it into smithereens. I watched Jean as she picked Scout up and cradle her close to her chest. Not even her mother's warm embrace could calm Scout down. Eventually, Jean looked over at me and gave me a smile. I couldn't help but return one for her. She walked over to me with Scout still wailing in her arms and handed her to me.**

 **"There you go," she said. I'm not sure if she was talking to Scout or me.**

 **"Uh, thank you?" I said back to her.**

 **"She'll be all right," Jean said as she stroked Scout's hair. "Just give her time."**

 **"What else can I do?"**

 **Jean just flashed me another smile before a light encircled her and she magically disappeared. I stood there as Scout's sobs began to get more quiet and it soon it was just silence. Her baby body shook with her last, tiny sob and I felt the peace when she was done. She was warm, she was alive and she was a comfort to me.**

 **"I love you, baby," I whispered in her little ear. "I love you so much. You and I are going to be just fine."**

"Dill," I was interrupted by Atticus in the middle of the night. I jumped at the sound of his voice and my own heart began to beat out of my chest this time. Oh God, why was he in here?

"Calm down," he said next. "Scout is okay; she's going to be okay."

"Oh," I said, a little embarrassed.

"I'm sorry I scared you."

"No, that's okay."

"I'm here because I have to thank you for my daughter."

"What?"

"She was having a heart attack when you and Uncle Jack showed up. It was a mild one but nonetheless it could have been more serious if left undetected. Now, I will always be sorry you lost your baby but I want you to remember you still have your wife. She's still your wife, Dill."

"Thank God for that."

"You love her very much, don't you?"

"What's not to love?"

"I always said that myself," he chuckled. I could be wrong but I could have swore I saw some tears in his eyes. Poor guy.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, Atticus," I told him. I couldn't think of anything better to say. He just stared at me and I could tell he didn't know how to respond to that. I all of a sudden felt really dumb.

"Well," he finally said as he patted my knee. "Good night, Dill."

"Good night, sir," I said as he shut the door.

I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. I didn't want to write, I didn't want to read, I didn't want to move. I just laid in the bed and counted down the hours until nine o'clock, when the visiting hours were free again. I did not do a damn thing until then and then I jumped up and got dressed. I ran to the bathroom to run a comb through my hair and put my shoes on and I was on my way. I was not going to feel whole again until Scout was in my sight.

Seeing her lying in her hospital bed was like looking at her for the first time all over again. Nothing had changed about her but maybe I was looking at her second chance at life. About her heart attack, there was probably a good chance that she would have another one but I honestly didn't care. She was here now and I was going to enjoy the time I had with her now. I felt like a million bucks when she looked at me and smiled.

"Come here, honey," she said. How was I supposed to say no?

She grabbed my face and gave me a lipsmacker of a kiss. Damn, she tasted good.

"You poor thing," she said, not letting go of my face. "I don't even want to know how you feel."

"I think you do," I said as I took her hands and put them in mine. She looked at me in anticipation as I was about to tell her how I felt.

"I'm the luckiest son of a bitch on earth."

 **A/N: Since you've finished the chapter, I wanted to tell you about the dream. On the show Long Island Medium, a lot of deceased loved ones come forward to say that they held the newborn baby's soul before they were reborn. Jean and Dill were hugging Scout's soul and that's why Dill felt so comforted. Like you didn't need another reason to be emotional, right?**


	18. I Won't Give Up

Scout ended up staying in the hospital for one more day just for more observation. Dr. Reynolds Jr. jumped on the bandwagon and personally thanked me for saving Scout's life. He told me he would never forget the day his father came home and told his family how Jean Finch was found dead on her porch. He confided in me that day was one of the worst days of his father's life. Dr. Reynolds Sr. would never get over that he had to tell his goof friend, Atticus Finch, that his young wife just up and died. He was not the one who treated Jem when he had his heart attack but he remembered feeling as shook up as everyone else. He prayed to God that Scout would not end up suffering the same fate but here he was treating not only the aftermath of her own heart attack but her miscarriage.

It was hard having her gone but it turned out even harder to have her back home. The doctor told us no sex for two months and put her on a low fat diet. My poor wife was going to be no fun for a while. She was too exhausted to care; she took hours long naps through out the day and really only got up to eat and to shower. I ended up doing the housework that Scout used to do and Jem took on washing Atticus up and dressing him before work.

Writing became my salvation again. I would sneak down to the office and pour my emotions into my work. That office not only became the place where I typed, but also the place where I would cry. I could keep myself busy just fine during the day with all the work in the house but night time was horrible because you just lie there. I realized that I was scared by my own wife. I promised myself that day after in the hospital that Scout was still my wife and I was going to celebrate her while I still had her. Having her home just leaves me with this overwhelming anxiety that she really is just a ticking time bomb ready to go off at any moment and that will be the end of us. I wanted to see her healthy again, I wanted to see her happy again, I want to make love to her again; I wanted my wife back and that wasn't happening anytime soon.

The horrible thing, the most horrible thing about my situation? I'm not the only one going through it. I cannot be the only one going through something like this. I would never, ever wish my pain or my wife's pain on anyone. This is why I write: to make a connection and to hopefully help others going through a rough time. If someone out there thinks, "Hey, man, I didn't give up thanks to you," I would have done my job.

It took me about a week to get my scrambled thoughts and feelings into a tidy piece of work. Again, it was after midnight and everyone had gone to sleep. First thing in the morning I will make that trip to Abbott County just to avoid Cecil. I'm sure the whole town knows about Scout right now and I don't need his hateful, ignorant remarks. I wouldn't put it past him to say that it was her karma for her brother and father's sins. Actually, he wouldn't say that, he's not that articulate. Shit, Jem's trial was coming up this Friday as well. Do us Finch's have the strength to go through this so soon?

"Hey," someone said from behind the office door, scaring the crap out of me.

"Scout!" I said a little too loud. "What on earth are you doing?"

"I came down here to get some water and saw the light on. I figured it was you because you weren't by my side when I woke up."

"I decided to do some work."

"You wrote about me, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did."

"I wish you wouldn't tell the world how much of a bad wife I am."

"Hey, I told you already to not blame yourself. You did nothing wrong."

"I was so happy at first."

That was all she could say to me. Tears began to spill out of her eyes and her body began to shake. I immeadiately go to her and wrap my arms around her. I don't know why I did this next but I grabbed her face and put her ear close to my heart. Well, that calmed her down but she wasn't leaving me anytime soon.

"You will be happy again, sweetheart," I told her as I rocked her a little more. "Things can only go up from here."

"I want you to be happy, Dill. Do you think you can be happy again?"

"Yes. I'm happy right now because I'm hugging you and I love you."

"Knowing you're happy makes me happy."

That was it right there, I decided: if I get better, Scout would get better. No more sneaking off and hiding. She needs me now more than ever and I won't give up.


	19. In The Night

Scout did seem to feel better as the week wore on. Each day seemed to give her more energy and she began to smile more often. I made sure to give her as much loving attention as I could: a good morning kiss on the neck, a sneak hug in the kitchen when Atticus and Jem weren't looking, a compliment or an "I love you" out of nowhere.

"What did I do to deserve you?" She would ask sometimes.

"I don't know but here I am," I would reply.

Despite the progress Scout was making, there was still that dark cloud looming over the house. Jem's trial was getting closer and closer everyday which brought a lot of anxiety unto Jem. Us men made it a point not to discuss it at the table when Scout was present. Jem will never stop being protective of his sister and he knew how fragile she still was. He and I would go out on the porch at night after Atticus and Scout had gone to bed; we would grab a few beers and just talk. He would vent about his trial to me then and I could just tell by the way he talked about things that things wouldn't go well.

"I don't know what to tell ya, Jem," I said to him the night before the trial. "I've been praying for a miracle that I don't think we're going to get."

"Well," Jem said as he crunched up his empty beer can. "I knew this wasn't going to be easy. My defendent comes right out and says he's done it. Atticus had a better position than I do now."

"No shit," I agreed.

"Man, am I glad Sara's not here to see this," he said out of nowhere. "I knew she would be better off in South Carolina."

"Bet you can't wait to have her home."

"You have no idea. Well, I guess you kind of do. I want to say I can't wait to see my baby."

"Why wouldn't you? Jesus Christ, you think just because my baby died you can't be happy knowing you're going to have yours? That's the craziest fucking thing I've ever heard!"

"I just don't want to hurt your feelings, man. You've been through so much shit."

"Scout was the one who almost died."

"For fuck's sake, Dill! Can't you just own what's yours?"

"What's mine?"

"You can't tell me that you haven't just gone through the worst days of your life. You lose your baby and you almost lose your wife and here you are acting like all's right with the world."

"Who says? I was, or am, going through hell! I know it's hard for you not having your wife to hold but do you know what it's like to have her literally by your side and being afraid of her because you almost lost her and you could almost lose her again? It's horrible! It's horrible knowing that she will never be the same; that I will never be the same. I will never love her the same way again..."

I had to stop myself; I was saying way too much. The look on Jem's face said it all and he got up in a huff and laid on the railing. Jesus Christ, you would think I would know better than to tell my wife's own brother that I don't love her the same way. God, he must think I'm a piece of shit. I too got up from my patio seat and joined him on the railing.

"I'm sorry," I said, swallowing hard. "I shouldn't have told you that."

"Why not?"

"She's your sister."

"That ain't why I reacted the way I did," he said, swallowing hard himself now. "You just made me realize how Sara must have felt when I had my heart attack. I never even gave how she felt a second thought. I mean, I felt bad she had to watch me go through this but you just put into words how she had to have felt. How could I be so selfish and stupid?"

"You're not," I said, rather taken aback by his confession. "Actually, maybe it's a good thing you didn't know."

"My wife deserves a fucking award for putting up with me."

"I think you're it."

He then gave me one of his "what the fuck" looks and again, I felt dumb. Then he began to chuckle through tears that were welling up in his eyes. He turned to me and gave me a bear hug.

"Dill, you little fucker," he said as he squeezed me tight. "I couldn't have picked a better husband for my sister to have."

"That means the world to me," I told him.

"What in the world is going on out here?"

We turned around to see Scout standing in the doorway. She was wearing nothing but one of my old button-down shirts that wasn't buttoned and a pair of white Fruit of the Looms. My God, she had lost a lot of weight.

"Jesus Christ, cover up," Jem said with a look of disgust.

"I didn't think you were out here," she said as she buttoned up my shirt.

"Didn't you hear me and Dill talking?"

"I just saw the backlight on. I came out here to see what the deal was."

"The deal is that me and Dill here were just talking."

"Well, okay. I can believe that. Is everything all right?"

"Yes," I replied before Jem could.

Scout just looked at both of us a little suspicious but then she just grinned. I began to smile myself and then so didn't Jem. For a brief moment it seemed like we went back in time to when we were little and we all felt the same thing at the same time. That was a kind of magic that I thought would never come back. It was all over too soon though; Jem went back in the house and kissed Scout on the cheek.

"Good night," he said to her.

"Good night," she said to him as she kissed his cheek back.

I waited until Jem was out of sight before I went back into the house. I picked my wife up by her shoulders and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I hugged her that way for a good couple of minutes before I carried her back to bed. I was right; she had lost a lot of weight.

"I love you, Dill Harris," she told me as I laid her down on the bed.

"I love you, too, Scout Harris."


	20. The First Cut Is The Deepest

The day we didn't want to come finally came. I had that nauseating pit in my stomach ever since I tucked Scout into bed last night. I couldn't sleep for the longest time and I swear I spent hours just staring at my wife as I rubbed her head while she slept. I must have dozed off because it went from being one in the morning to seven in the morning before I knew it. Or at least, I hoped that was what happened.

Scout got up early to make Jem's favorite breakfast: hot biscuits with sausage gravy. It was Calpurnia's recipe; I could tell because Alexandra used milk instead of cream and I could always tell the difference. Cream is what makes gravy taste like sin and Alexandra never liked sin of any kind so there you go.

Everybody except Scout headed for the courthouse as soon as we were done. It broke Scout's heart to miss her big brother's big trial but she and the rest of us knew better than to let her go today. She was still fragile and the intensity of this would surely make her blood pressure skyrocket. Lord knows I was going to need my wife to still be alive when this was all over. I think I was actually going to take her absence harder than she was. Before we left I grabbed her face and kissed her like I was never going to see her again.

"You're going to be fine," she said as she hugged me around my neck.

"I'm worried about you," I told her.

"Like hell you are."

"It's still a half truth."

"I love you," she said as she kissed me one last time. "I'm okay. Don't worry about me."

"I need you to be okay, Scout."

"That's why I'm still here."

I shivered when she said that to me and she felt it. She put my head to her chest so I could hear her heartbeat. It sounded all right and I smiled.

"C'mon, Dill!" Jem hollered for me. "We don't have all day!"

"I better go," I said, not wanting the sound of my wife's beating heart to leave my ear.

"Let me go and don't look back," she said, trying not to be so cold. "My brother and my father need you now more than I do."

Can't say she'd forgotten to put me in my place when needed be. I walked to the car and as I promised, I did not look back. Jem and Atticus were silent as I climbed into the backseat and they remained that way all the way to the courthouse. Nobody said a word until we had gotten there and we saw all these people shuffling in.

"Just like the old times," I muttered than instantly wishing I hadn't.

"Unfortunately," Jem sighed as he parked the car. "Whenever there's a good chance a black man's getting his ass handed to him, you could bet your own ass the whole town's going to show up."

"Your vulgarity is uncalled for, Jem," Atticus breathed as he wobbled out.

I hopped out of the car and took a deep breath. Yeah, this town and their prejudices will never change. Looking back on all the places I've traveled to and lived in, I know that there are prejudices of different kinds all over. I suppose maybe it's your first cut of prejudice as an innocent is the deepest. To me, that seems to be the only logical explanation.

I waited until the last crowd of people walked in the door before I went in. Atticus had already reserved me a seat next to him so I didn't have to worry about that. I just needed time to breathe before I was to face this. Maybe it was because I knew Jem as a young boy but I just don't see him as the big man that Atticus once was. Although Atticus was always gentle, Jem just had a sweetness about him that his father didn't have. Now that I think of it, his sister doesn't have that sweetness, either. Perhaps he got it from his mama?

"You going to be all right?" Atticus asked me as I sat down.

"I think so," I replied.

"You can go home whenever you like," Atticus said. I didn't have a chance to reply back when the judge announced that court was in session and ordered everyone to rise. We all obeyed and we sat down as we got started with the sheriff testimony.

Judge Taylor and Heck Tate had both passed away some time ago. I looked at Atticus and realized that all the men who played key roles in my upbringing here had passed away. I guess now that I think about it, I'm not surprised that Atticus is the last man standing. This judge, Judge Anderson, was a young, lanky man with a full head of black hair; the total opposite of what Judge Taylor looked like, which was old, bald and pleasantly plump. Sheriff Turner was a young, lanky man himself except that he had blond hair. He told the synopsis of that night and it was brutal: there was a barnyard bonfire in which both the defendant and the witness were in attendence; the young lady had too much to drink and the defendant took advantage; when the witness tried to defend herself, the defendant cold cocked her and thrust himself into her until she bled. I looked over at the defendant and saw him smile. Jesus Christ, this is going to be some trial.

"Sheriff Turner," Jem spoke up. "Did the witness see a doctor?"

"No," Sheriff Turner replied. Oh no, I thought, here we go.

"Did you call the doctor for her?"

"I tried but she refused."

"What do you mean she refused?"

"She was too embarrassed at the time and she told me that what he did to her wasn't that bad."

"Sheriff Turner, to state the obvious, we are here in a courthouse discussing the severity of this incident. I don't understand how it wasn't that bad that we are here in a public court but she couldn't have a one on one with a doctor."

"I believed her because there was no bruising of her face when I got there."

"Sheriff, my client is a big man and I can't believe one blow to her face wouldn't leave a mark. What about the blood?"

"The blood?"

"You said that my client thrusted into her until she bled. What about that for the medical concern?"

"She told me she was due for her period so that may have been the reason why for the blood."

"But, she was in pain?"

"Sure she was."

"What was done about her pain?"

"She said nothing aspirin couldn't fix."

This was beyond fishy already. I looked over at the witness and she looked presentable unlike Mayella Ewell but possibly like Mayella Ewell, she liked it but couldn't say it because the guy who did it was black. That's all it is and what we all knew: if Jem's client wasn't black, we wouldn't be here.


	21. All You Wanted

"Alice Ann Green."

That was the name of the cheif witness of this case. Like Jem told us already, she was from Abbott County. She had long, blonde hair and green eyes to match her name. Her legs were long and her neckline was rather low. Frankly, I could understand why someone would be attracted to her. As long as I sit here and listen to her testimony, I will forever be comparing her to Mayella Ewell. Alice wasn't nearly as dirty and wasn't nearly as frightened. She put her hand on the Bible with confidence and sat on the witness stand with a smile; a sinister smile. This girl was up to no good and knew better whereas Mayella did no good because that was all she knew.

"Alice," the cheif witness' lawyer began. I didn't know the guy but it didn't matter anyway. The lump in my throat began to grow. "In your own words, tell us what happened on the night of April first."

April Fool's Day. Jem, fate played a sick prank on you, brother!

"I attended a bonfire that was hosted by the cheerleading squad of our school. All of the juniors and senoirs were invited to go so I went. There was alcohol present and I took the liberty of having a few beers and all of a sudden, I saw this man and I thought he was handsome. He decided I was pretty so we went out to the back of the barn and we had sexual intercourse. It felt nice and first but then he decided he wasn't going to play gentle so I told him to stop; he punched me hard on the head and kept up anyway."

"Very good."

It was Jem's turn to talk as the other lawyer walked back to his seat. It was cross examination time and this is where the "fun" really begins.

"Alice," Jem continued the disgusted murmors of the courtroom. "You charged my client with rape. Do you understand what rape is?"

"Yes. It is when sexual intercourse takes place without the consent of one."

"Correct. However, Alice, your story just now makes it seem as though you were both willing."

"We were at first. Like I said, he was gentle at first but then he played to rough and I told him to stop."

"It's awfully dark in the barnyard at night, isn't it?"

"Sure is. I didn't even get a clear picture of his face until the stars came out."

"What was happening when the stars came out?"

"That was when he was playing it rough."

"Alice, did you know the man you were with was black?"

"Objection, your honor!" The witness judge cried.

"Over ruled," Judge Anderson declared. "Proceed, Mr. Finch."

"What was the question again, sir?" Alice asked. She wasn't breaking a sweat or anything. This girl really was no good.

"Did you know this man, my client, was a black man?"

"I didn't know until the stars came out."

"When the stars came out he was playing it rough. So it was all fun and games until you found out he was black?"

"Objection, your honor."

"Over ruled again," Judge Anderson declared.

"I would have been upset with the situation no matter his color, sir."

I couldn't take it anymore; I had to get out of this courtroom. I tapped Atticus on the shoulder to let him know I was getting out of there.

"I don't like this at all, Atticus," I whispered to him.

"I don't blame you," he whispered back as he shuffled out of the way. "Please, tell Scout everything's all right. Don't show her how upset you are."

"I will," I gulped. "I promise."

I didn't know how good my promise would be. I slipped quietly out the backdoor and from then on I ran. I wished I could not stop running until I hit New York City and from there I would jump into the ocean and swim to Ireland. For now, the Finch house would have to do.

"Scout!" I cried out as soon as I opened the door. "Scout! I'm home, Scout!"

"Dill," I heard her yell as she walked in from the backyard. She was in her bra and panties so she must have been sunbathing. "What are you doing back here so soon? You got to stop worrying about me all the time!"

I broke my promise to Atticus as soon as those words flew out of her mouth. I began to cry a little until I started to sob. God, I was no man. My sick wife, who has been through more shit in a month than most people in one year, has to stand here and watch her fucking husband fucking bawl over a stupid hate crime case. That's all it is and I'm letting it destroy me.

"Dill," she said, sternly. My God, she was still the same little girl I fell in love with, after all. She wouldn't be so soft with me. I felt gratitude for this moment. "What happened to you?"

"I'm fucking pathetic, Scout," I screamed. "Absolutely pathetic. How are you okay?"

"What?!"

"How can you be so wonderful when you were forced to grow up in this shithole?"

"Well," she snorted as she crossed her arms. "I really don't know. This is a first, Dill. A lot of people ask me if I _am_ okay but never _how_ am I okay."

"I just really want to know how."

"You want to know something? Me too! Jesus Christ, you know I used to ask myself not long ago how you were okay because I was your wife and I wasn't feeling okay but you were. Do you know how incredible this is?"

"Incredible? How the fuck is this situation now incredible?"

"For the longest time, I needed you to be as messy as I was. I would never say it but my God, I would wish it. I've been through hell and back, Dill and you were stoic as hell. This, right now, has been a long time coming and you deserve this."

"I deserve to be punished for being there for you? Is that what you're really saying to me?"

"No, you deserve to come undone. You're finally letting me know that you feel the pain, too and we both deserve this."

She had begun to cry when her peace was spoken. My tears never stopped flowing since I walked into the door. Scout came to me and hugged me tightly around the neck. I picked her up by her bottom and held her close. The promise I made to myself paid off: when I got better, she got better. I always knew there wasn't any other woman on earth who I would go through hell with.


	22. Crocodile Rock

With Maycomb a ghost town thanks to Jem's trial, Scout and I decided to skip out for a while. The temperature hit ninety degrees with ninety percent humidity. I thought Barker's Eddy was be nice today seeing as almost all the county was in that courthouse. Scout, however, had a grander plan: Finch's Landing. I couldn't say no because getting out of this town altogether sounded so nice.

The drive in of itself offered some clarity. The streets of town were bare with rows of houses passing by but no one living in them for now. I tried my best to avoid the courthouse but there was no getting around it. If I hadn't been driving, I would have closed my eyes until we passed.

"Just keep your eyes on the road, sweet," Scout said with a chuckle. She knew how I felt.

"That's what I'm doing," I replied as I reached out and gave her hand a squeeze.

Truth be told, my eyes were on the road all the time; I had my eyes on Scout. The sun was shining on her face, whatever wind we were lucky to catch blew back her hair, and she had a smile on her face. Her white t-shirt and white pants gave way to the fact she got a nice tan for herself.

"You're thinking," she said as she gave me a sly smile. "What are you thinking about?"

"How great you look today."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Pulling into Finch's Landing was like pulling into the wonderful world of Oz. It was so warm and welcoming here that I was instantly glad we came once we set foot on it's soil. Scout wasted no time taking her clothes off and stripping down to her bra and panties once again.

"Going swimming?"

"You betcha! You coming, too?"

"Sure."

"Race you there!"

"You're not supposed to run!"

"You're not supposed to remind me!"

"True!" I yelled as I sprinted off before her.

"Hey!" She yelled back as she ran after me. To hell with the consequences, I guess. I got to the banks first, stripped down to my briefs and jumped in. I was still underwater when I saw Scout jump into the water with me. We both came up at the same time and we smiled at each other. Scout was stark naked now and I was pretty excited.

"How do you feel?"

"Fine. How do you feel?"

"Fine."

"Well, fine then," I said before going under and swimming away further deep. I came up for air to make sure Scout was still behind me and she was. I got kind of worried that we were out too far because she kept bobbing up and down a little bit. I grabbed her arms and place them around my neck.

"Want to go back to the shallow end?"

"Maybe we better. I'm starting to get tired already."

"That's okay."

I held my wife close as I kicked slowly back to the banks. She rested her head on my shoulder and kissed her cheek all the way back. It wasn't until I hoisted her up on a boulder by the shore that she turned her face to give my lips a kiss.

"I miss having sex with you," she blurted out.

"Hasn't been easy for me not having sex with you."

"I'm feeling a lot better now. Why don't we just say to hell with it?"

"Honey, no."

"Why?"

"Your health is more important than a romp in the sack."

"I miss that part of our relationship. I miss that connection."

"Believe me, so do I. Hey, come here."

She had seaweed caught in her hair and I wanted to get it out for her. For some reason, it didn't want to come off and I accidently pulled her hair in the process.

"Ow!"

"Sorry," I said as I finally got it out and I gave her cheek another kiss. Scout moved over and made room for me on the boulder so I could sit with her. I happily obligied and sat next to her, taking her hand in mine. It was so beautiful here and we spent a good deal of the day just watching and feeling the water. Scout and I were as calm as the water and we were perfectly content watching the world go by at it's own pace.

"I'm cold," she said at last.

"Are you ready to go back to Maycomb?"

"Not really but we should. I would hate for Jem and Atticus to come home and not have us be there."

"We left that note on the table."

"Still," she said as she ran to the outer banks to put her clothes back on. "I want to be home for them. Besides, it will probably be dark by the time we get back."

"Who knows when the trial will be over?"

"I don't want to take any chances."

I exhaled and rolled off my side of the boulder. A part of me wanted to stay here forever. I took my time getting dressed and with Scout's hand in mine again, we strolled slowly back to the car. I looked back at that lazy river and silently thanked it for giving us the best afternoon we've had in a long time. I saw that the sun was beginning to dip and knew right then that Scout was right about leaving when we did. It got darker and darker outside as the car ride wore on and the silence between me and Scout grew heavier and heavier. The silence wasn't a bad thing; there was still that connection there and I knew we were still close.

As we rounded the bend back in Maycomb County, we saw that the courthouse was empty. Scout and I looked at each other and gasped; the trial was already over! Scout then developed a fear in her eyes and I could have swore I had the same look. She barely gave me time to park the car in Atticus' driveway before she hopped out. Atticus was standing at the door frame waiting for us. I couldn't hear what Scout said but then I saw Atticus shake his head no and I knew what it meant. I punched the dashboard as I watched my wife and my father-in-law hug each other. Goddamnit!


	23. Don't Let Him Go

"What are you doing?" Scout mouthed to me as soon as Atticus went back into the house. I still hadn't gotten the guts to step out of the car. "Get in here!"

I swallowed whatever projectile substance was threatening to come up and got out of the car. I had one of those out-of-body expieriences as I walked slowly across the driveway and up the stairs to meet up with Scout. Her arms were crossed and she looked like she was ready to kill. There was an intense anger that I knew was still deep inside of her.

"I know, I know," I said as I just stood there and met her eyes. I knew better than to hug the beast. "He didn't win."

"Nope, he didn't."

"I'm sorry, Scout."

"You'd think I would be used to Maycomb's ways by now. I'm glad I wasn't there."

"Me too. It was horrible and I wasn't even there for half of it."

"I'm sorry I dragged you down here with me."

"Don't fucking start, Scout!"

"You've lived in Italy, Dill. You've been to Ireland, to Germany, all over Europe. We met in New York City and we came back. I wonder what we came back here for all the time."

"You know the answer: your mother told you to."

"I wish I never started dreaming of my mother sometimes..."

"Scout, your mother was right, though. She told you that your father needed you; I remember that. Atticus needs you, Scout. You are the only one who can step up and take care of him like he needs to be."

"Atticus wanted so much more for me..."

"Did he?"

"Yes! He put me through college; he was the one who encouraged me to move to New York..."

"And now you're here."

"We're here! I took you down with me."

"Only because I wanted to. Scout, I wanted to be with you and I wanted to be married to you and I still do. I _chose_ this! What do I have to do to make you understand when I could swear before God that I couldn't make it anymore clear that I choose you!"

"For one thing you could stop tormenting the entire neighborhood with your marital woes," Jem said out of nowhere. He peeked his head out the screen door and I was taken aback by how much he'd aged in the past twelve hours.

"We're just talking, Jem," Scout scuffed.

"Well, talk inside. Nobody wants to hear your drama, I'm sure," he said as he swung the door open for his sister. Scout walked inside, past me and past her brother and into the bathroom; odds are to cry.

"Sorry, man," I said to him as I reached out my hand to shake his. Jem slapped it away and then enveloped me into a big bear hug.

"Dill," he said, talking low. "Years ago I never thought I'd say this but I'm saying it now: You're a fucking saint."

"I love your sister, Jem."

"I know you do," he said as he let me go. "Are you okay? Atticus told me you got real shook up at the trial."

"Yeah, I'm okay. What about you?"

"I'll be fine," he said as he inhaled sharply. "Now we wait."

"Wait for what?"

"The fallout."

"Things don't have to happen like they did the last time."

"Dill, history will always repeat itself when people don't learn from it."

"Jem, Bob Ewell's not out there to get you."

"Boo Radley's not out there to save me, either."

"Did he die?"

"I don't know. Even if he is, I'm too big to be carried home now."

"Someone's got to be there to save you."

He didn't know what to say after that. He just gave me one of those "what the fuck?" looks, shook his head, and chuckled. He grabbed my arm only to let it go.

"I don't know about me man but I do know that you saved my sister in more ways than one. I could never repay you for all that you've done for her."

"Thank you, Jem," I managed to croak. I was genuinely touched.

"Now listen to me: she chose you, too. She didn't let you in so early for nothing. She has always loved you very much."

"Thank you, Jem," I said with a gulp.

"Don't give away my secrets, Jem!" Scout screeched from the bathroom. Jem and I just looked at each other and laughed.

"I think she's all right now," he said as he patted me on the back. "Go get her."

I watched as he walked away before I went and got her. What a guy! He just lost his big case but here he was worrying about his sister and brother-in-law. I walked to the bathroom with a smile on my face and knocked on the door. She opened it with a smile through her tears. I knew she was going to cry.

"It's okay, sweetheart," I said as I hugged her.

"I know it is," she said as she hugged me back.


	24. Wonderful Tonight

The first couple of days after the trial were nerve-racking. A part of me still liked to brush Jem off as being paranoid but another part of me could understand why he felt the way he did. After all, he had been through this kind of backlash more than he probably cares to remember. He tried to keep a low profile and just come straight home after work. The second night after he had gone back to his house on Talledega Lane to fetch a few things. Scout and I asked him what he was going after and he just told us to wait and see. So we waited until he got back and were shocked to see what he brought back with him.

"What in the world did you bring your baby's stuff back with you for?" Scout asked with her mouth gaped open. I really couldn't believe it either when he walked through the door with his baby's bassinet.

"I just want to keep it here for safe keeping," he said as he huffed and set the bassinet to rest on the living room floor. "Now I just need to unload the baby's clothes, bottles and diapers. Guys wanna help me carry stuff in?"

"Jem," Scout scuffed. "Don't you think you are being a little ridiculous? I mean, you're going to South Carolina to visit Sara next week..."

"So?"

"So nothing, I guess," she shrugged, quitting while she was ahead.

"Yeah, I thought so," he said as he shot his sister a look. He walked back out to the car but I motioned for Scout to stay there. I ended up walking out to help him myself. I grabbed shopping bags full of baby essentials and carried them into the house without giving him a ration of shit even though I had to agree with my wife that he was getting carried away.

"Thank you," Jem told me as he put the last of the baby things down on the living room floor.

"You're welcome," I told him as I looked at the stairs. Scout was gone and was probably upstairs consulting Atticus. Some things will never change. I headed upstairs and headed to Atticus' room where sure enough, they were discussing Jem's erratic behavior.

"Scout," Atticus said, calmly. "He just lost his biggest trial to date, give him a break."

"Atticus, I can't stand seeing him like this. It's like he's waiting for the bottom to drop out at any minute."

"Well, sweet, I hate to break it to you but in regards to a black man's conviction, not a whole lot has changed since you were a child. Knowing what I know now, I would have gone to greater lengths to protect you and Jem as much as I could."

"Are you still beating yourself up over that one Halloween night?"

"I'll forever be sorry for that night, Scout. I sometimes think of what could have happened if you took your goddamn costume off."

"Oh my God, Atticus. Don't do that to yourself. Look at me: I'm okay."

"Thank God for that, baby."

I began to cry because I could tell by Atticus' last sentence that he had started to cry himself. What in the world was he being so open with her for? Horrible memories must have been rolling into him as fresh as they once were. I creeped a peek inside the creak of the door and saw the big man cry for myself. It was a heartbreaking sight and I swear my heart stopped when I saw Scout take her father's face in her hands and kiss him. She was still daddy's little girl after all these years.

I tiptoed back to mine and Scout's room, stripped down to my underwear and climbed into our bed. I buried my face into a pillow and allowed myself to keep on crying. I prayed for Scout to not show up for a good five minutes because I'm sure she would have seen enough crying for one night. Wait, no, I promised to myself that I was going to be open with her so let her see me like this if this is the truth. I rolled onto my back with my face staring up at the ceiling. I was going to stay like this and let my tears fall down for as long as I wanted, for as long as I needed.

"Dill," she said with a knock on our door.

"It's open," I replied. "Come on in."

"Open the door. I got a surprise for you."

"Oh God," I said as I rolled off the bed. I could only imagine what in the world this surprise could be. Knowing how the Finch luck rolls, it's either a bomb or a gunshot wound.

I opened the door and got a very pleasant surprise: Scout was outside the door, wearing her wedding dress. My mouth gaped open and tears flooded my eyes for a very different reason as she let herself in. No dressed up hair, no make-up, no jewelry; she was wearing nothing but that dress and a smile. I held her face as I kissed her forehead and wrapped my arms around her.

"How'd you do that without me knowing about it?"

"I hid the dress in the utility closet. I had a feeling you wouldn't look in there."

"I do love this dress."

"You didn't at first," she said. "Right in front of Atticus, you said I didn't have the cleavage."

"You'll never let me live that down, will you?"

"Nope."

My face had turned a beet red, I was sure of it. I swear Atticus is always there to catch me act like a dumbass. Now that she had mentioned it though, her weight loss since her heart attack and miscarriage had made her breasts smaller. I'm such a man; the realization of that made me emotional. God, there was so much more of Scout than that but that's what I'm getting emotional about.

"I thought this would make you happy."

"It does make me happy, honey."

"Well, smile then. What do I have to do to make you smile?"

"The doctor says we aren't allowed to for the time being."

"Oh, Dill!"

She crossed her arms and legs and tried to pretend she was mad. She wasn't a good liar though; I could see her smile. I jumped and grabbed her stomach and began to tickle her. She laid back on the bed and laughed like I hadn't heard her laugh in a long time. That made me smile and she noticed it, too. She took my face this time and gave me a kiss. I got on top of her and began to kiss her neck slowly and deliberately as I brushed her hair back away from her face. In those few minutes, were newlyweds again and I had my wife back. I missed her very much.


	25. We're Not Broken, Just Bent

I felt like I could breathe again once that first week went by with no hate-filled catastrophes from the townspeople. I suppose maybe they have made more progress than I originally gave them credit for. Atticus and Scout left to see Jem off at the train station but I was going to stay home to catch up on my work. I knew my readers were dying to know what had happened and I was falling behind and I didn't want to let them down. This day was the first day where my nerves weren't shot from worrying and wondering. Now that Jem was on his way to South Carolina where he could be safe with his wife made me happy and I was finally in the right frame of mind to jot down my observations and feelings on paper. The urge to cry while I wrote hasn't left me yet and I just let it all out on account of being alone in the house. Where would I be right now without my typewriter and pen?

After my work was completed, I looked up at the wall clock and realized that it was now afternoon and they still weren't home yet. I neatly organized my papers and put them in a manilla envelope to be mailed tomorrow. What the hell is one more day, right?

I walked out of the office and thought about what to do next. I wasn't really hungry and I wasn't really tired either. I was in one of those moods where I didn't really want to do anything. I walked up the stairs and for whatever reason, walked into Jem's room. All of his things for the baby were still here: the bassinet was by his bed, the boxes of diapers were on top of his dresser, and as I looked further, I noticed that the baby's clothes were neatly folded inside the bassinet. They obviously didn't know what they were having because there were copious amounts of white and yellow onsies but there was one pink dress and one blue sailor suit, just in case.

The pink dress caught my eye and made my heart melt. I picked it up and gently unfolded it. I don't know what possessed me to smell it but I did. The first time I smelt it, it smelt like the clothing store where they bought it from; it definitely had that new outfit smell. That was when the memory of that dream with baby Scout at the Landing flooded back to me. Scout had a particular smell in that dream and that scent came back to me with a vengence. I put the dress to my nose and that scent was there on the dress like it was there the whole time.

Oh, God! Was I having a mental breakdown? I started to shiver and my eyes began to shed tears. I guess I really wasn't over Scout's miscarriage after all. I had to get a grip real quick because I saw and heard Scout and Atticus drive up. I folded the dress back up and set it down just as I had found it. I raced down the stairs and was just in time meeting them at the door.

"Hey, sweet," Scout said as she kissed my lips.

"Hey."

"You weren't worried about us, were you?"

"No."

"I guess I should have called but me and Atticus stopped for lunch."

"Sorry, Dill," Atticus chimed in.

"That's okay, Atticus."

"You all right, Dill?"

I jumped a little when Atticus asked me that. I was hoping that I pulled myself together good enough to not let it show how disturbed I was earlier.

"Your face is a little red," Scout commented as she took my face in her hands.

"Is it? I guess I just got a little warm while I was taking a nap," I lied. I know I shouldn't have lied but I wasn't about to admit the truth. Scout kissed my cheek as she headed upstairs. I watched her walk away while all the while Atticus was still watching me.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"I think so."

"You don't have to be strong in front of me, Dill."

I looked at him when he said that. He looked at me with a stern yet kind look; kind of like he was waiting for the truth. I licked my lips and drew in a breath before I could talk again.

"I was all right until I went into Jem's room."

"What about Jem's room?"

"All that baby stuff."

"Oh, Dill," he said softly as he put his hand on my shoulder. His kindness was almost too much to bear. This was coming from a man who almost lost both of his children and lost his wife. This man had been through more hell than anybody. I feel like the world's biggest wimp compared to him.

"How'd you do it, Atticus? How did you go on?"

"I don't know."

"After all these years your only answer is, 'I don't know'? God, it never gets easier, does it?"

"No, it doesn't. You get a choice though, Dill. You can choose to wake up everyday or you can choose to shut down. As time goes on, I swear it gets harder to stay shut down."

"I don't think I've shut down though."

"See, you're doing it. You are waking up everyday, you are choosing life, I'm watching you do it. I'm proud of you."

Atticus Finch, proud of me? A wide grin showed up on my face for the first time all day. I must be doing something right after all.

"I'm proud of you, too, Atticus," I tell him as I give him a hug. I feel like a million bucks when he hugs me back. We were two men who were not broken, just bent. We still worked.


	26. Burning Down The House

**Scout was laughing; the Scout I once knew was laughing. As she grew older, her voice had deepened and so hadn't her laugh. I must be dreaming again because this was a high pitch. I opened my eyes to find myself not in her old house but a house I recognized regardless. I rounded the corner and I found Scout as a little girl again on Miss Maudie's lap. It dawned on me right then and there that this was Miss Maudie's house. I took a deep breath and recognized the scent of a Lane Cake baking in the oven. Miss Maudie was the best baker I have ever known. I didn't know until years later when Scout and I reunited that she had passed from breast cancer. What a shitty way to go for such a lovely lady as she.**

 **Miss Maudie began to tickle her belly and again, Scout erupted with laughter. Miss Maudie followed suit with her own feisty chuckle and I couldn't help but laugh either by that point. Scout calmed down and looked my way with a smile on her face. Could she see me?**

 **"Hi, honey," I said out loud to her. Then her face got serious and she turned to face Miss Maudie again.**

 **"Why are you here?" Miss Maudie asked, looking right at me. Holy shit, she could see me!**

 **"I don't know," I answered, honestly.**

 **"What do you mean you don't know? You didn't come all the way here for nothing, that's for sure."**

 **"I could leave if you'd like..."**

 **Scout began to cry when I said that. I felt horrible; she was so happy and now I have ruined it. Miss Maudie cupped Scout's face and kissed her cheeks. I figured this would make Miss Maudie mad but I went over to Scout and began to rub her head.**

 **"It's okay, sweetheart. I'm not going to leave you now."**

 **I turned to see that Miss Maudie had more of a look of concern for Scout rather than a scowl for me. I was relieved to notice that. Her dress was rather low-cut and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that her right breast was no longer there. That must have been the one that killed her.**

 **"My cake!" She screamed as she pretty much handed Scout over to me. She ran like hell and I followed her at a walking pace. I smelt fire and smoke the further I walked down the hall. When I finally reached the kitchen with Scout still in my arms, her whole kitchen was engulfed in flames and Miss Maudie had disappeared into the black smoke and orange flames.**

 **"Dill Harris," she barked. "Wake up, call 911, and tell them that Jem's kitchen is on fire."**

 **"Did you just say Jem's kitchen?"**

 **"That is what I said. Do it!"**

I woke up in a heavy sweat. I saw that it was 11:30 at night and Scout was lying asleep peacefully aside me. Looking at her made me remember to follow my heart or in this case, my dreams. I dashed out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the living room as quickly and quietly as I could. My fingers trembled as I dialed the three crucial digits.

"911," the lady dispatcher answered. "What's your emergency?"

"This is Charles Harris, ma'am. I believe there is a fire at 325 Talledega Lane."

"Are you the homeowner?"

"No, ma'am but my brother-in-law is. I just need you to please check on this house. I will be there to meet with the fireman."

"Okay, they are on their way."

"Thank you."

I didn't bother to leave a note; I grabbed my jacket and ran to the car as fast as I could. His house may have been a short walk but I wanted to make sure I was there before the fireman. The whole drive there consisted of me praying that I hadn't woken up Atticus or Scout. When I pulled up to the house, I saw there were two guys outside of Jem's house.

"Oh, shit!" I heard one the guy's cry as I rolled my window down.

"Run!" The other one cried.

I rolled the window back up and shrunk in my seat. It just dawned on me that once again my intuition and subconscious were correct. Jem was on edge about what would happen to him once this trial was over and here's what it was: arson. These two pricks waited until he was out of town to screw him up. Two fucking cowards. I was relieved to see the firemen had showed up.

"Charles Harris?" One of the men asked.

"That's me, sir."

"Where's the fire located?"

"In the kitchen, sir. The cops should be notified; this is an arson. There were two men here and they got scared off when I showed up."

"Chuck, wait here with Mr. Harris," the fireman said.

"Sure," replied the guy named Chuck.

I handed the man my car keys. I had a spare key that Jem made for me in an emergency. I always knew Jem had a good head one his shoulders. Chuck and I stood there as we watched the one fireman walk away and inspect the house. The night was cold for a change and I started to shiver a little.

"You can go back in your car if you'd like," Chuck told me.

"I'll be okay."

"Say, your name is Charles Harris?"

"Yes, sir."

"Are you the one who married Jean Louise Finch?"

Geez, I'm beginning to think if I had a dime for everytime someone asked me that...

"Yes, Jean Louise is my wife."

"I remember her; we went to school together. They called me Little Chuck Little."

"And she was wild, right?"

"Yeah but in a great way."

"I always thought so. Nice to meet you."

It amazes me that two men like Cecil Jacobs and Chuck Little could come from the same class. He was the first guy in a long time that had something nice to say about my wife and my heart broke for her. She is too much for this town, after all.

"All clear!" The firemen yelled as he came out the front door.

"All clear?" I asked as soon as he got near. "There's no real damage?"

"Some but we got here just in time. Nothing a fire extinguisher couldn't put out."

"Thank God."

That was when the police car showed up. Sheriff Turner didn't even have time to get out of the vehicle before the fireman pulled out what looked like to be ID and showed them to him. I walked to the police car long enough for the sheriff to study them and shake his head before I asked if I could please look at them. The firemen then gave the evidence to me and I shook my head with disgust.

"Cecil Jacobs and Walter Cunningham Jr would be dumb enough to leave their ID's behind."

"You got that right," Chuck agreed as he peered over my shoulder.


	27. And So It Goes

**A/N: "And So It Goes" is the name of a Billy Joel song. If you want to double your feels, read this and listen to the song at the same time!**

Chuck and the fireman accompanied me back to Atticus' house to explain what had just happened at Jem's house. They needed to contact Jem but I honestly didn't know the number of where Sara was staying but I knew Atticus or Scout had to have known. Sheriff Turner immeadiately took off to find Cecil and Walter and he planned on coming to Atticus' house once they had been found and put into custody. Sheriff Turner was familiar with where Atticus lived so it would be no problem for him to swing by. All the while back to Atticus', I wondered if they both stayed asleep or if at least Scout had woken up to realize I wasn't lying right next to her. Chuck came with me to the front door while the other guy stayed behind to finish up report.

"Dill!" I heard Scout scream as I walked in the door with Chuck not far behind me. "What in the world..."

We met each other halfway in the foyer. She wasn't expecting to see Chuck standing there, especially seeing she was wearing her nightly usual of an unbuttoned shirt of mine and a pair of underwear. Scout was so horrified that I couldn't help but laugh about it.

"This is not funny, Dill," she said as she hastily buttoned herself up.

"Hello, Jean Louise," Chuck greeted with a smirk as big as Alaska. The guy can't help it and I can't blame him; I still smirk when I see her crawl into bed like that.

"Hello, Chuck," she said as she finished her embarrassing task. "Sorry you found me like this."

"It's not the first time," Chuck said, slyly.

Damn! That's where the comment of her being wild in a great way came from...

"Great," Scout said as she rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "You know, my husband just really didn't need to know that."

"It's okay, Chuck," I told him as I noticed Atticus coming down the stairs in his pjs, robe and slippers. At first he looked at Chuck with an alarmed look on his face and then he looked at Scout and his expression stayed that way.

"Scout," he said as he rubbed his brow. "Go upstairs and get dressed, please."

Scout did as she was told and eagerly jogged up the stairs. Poor Scout, how embarrassed she must be. Now that I think of it, the most embarrassing times of her life happened while I was around. That realization does not make me happy.

"Atticus," I say after a long pause. "A fire broke out at Jem's house. That's where I've been and I'm the one who reported it."

"I don't understand," Atticus mumbled, his hand never really leaving his brow. "Jem is not home; he is in South Carolina as we speak."

"Sheriff Turner is out looking for the suspects, sir," Chuck chimed in. "We know who they are and it's just a matter of time before they are taken in."

"May I ask who?"

"Cecil Jacobs and Walter Cunningham Jr, sir."

"Well, I'll be," Atticus said. I could tell he was beginning to feel a little woozy.

"Are you all right?" I ask as I rush to help steady him.

"I believe so," Atticus said as he let me help him sit down in the nearest chair. Chuck again wasn't far behind me. "How did you know there was a fire at Jem's?"

"I had a dream," I told him. I really didn't want to go into further details. Atticus and Chuck looked at me as if I had a third eye. Maybe I do...

"Chuck!"

It was the other fireman; I could tell by his voice by now. He knocked on the door and Chuck excused himself to go answer it. I just stayed there and held Atticus' hand. He looked the other way and I wondered what he must have been thinking.

"Dill," he finally said after a few very long seconds. "Why don't you go upstairs and check on Scout?"

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Don't worry about me, worry about my daughter."

"Okay."

I was actually kind of relieved when he let me go. I took my time leaving because I didn't want to make it to obvious. I waved at the two men before I ventured up the stairs.

"Thank you for everything," I told them.

"Thank you," they replied in unison.

I didn't even reach the top of the stairs before Scout was in my sight again. She was outside our bedroom door waiting for me and she looked scared as hell. My poor sweetheart.

"I heard," she breathed out as I caught up to her.

"His house is okay," I told her as I took her shaky hands in mine. "It was just a kitchen fire. It could have been a lot worse."

"Oh, Dill," she said as one big tear escaped from her right eye. I hugged her close and opened our door at the same time. I walked her in with her still close to me and when stayed that way until I made sure she was sitting safe on our bed. I left her only to close the door but went right back to her.

"How did they know?" She croaked out between her cries. "How did they know they could do such a thing to Jem? He's not even around to defend himself!"

"Couple of cowards are what they are."

"You know, I unfortunately am not surprised at Cecil but I'm shocked and outraged over Walter. I've known him since he was a little boy who liked to dump syrup all over his food. Remember the lynch mob his daddy was a member of?"

"How could I forget?"

"I thought he learned then, Dill. I thought his whole family by then would have learned!"

"Old habits and prejudices die hard, I guess."

"Jem and I considered Walter a friend and that's what really hurts."

"I know, honey, I know."

I took her in my arms again and held her tight. She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed me even harder. Her hot tears tickled my neck as I would turn to kiss her cheek.

"Hey," she whimpered.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry that Chuck revealed that I slept with him once."

"Jesus," I chuckled. "You think I'm going to be paranoid about every guy friend you ever had?"

"I wasn't very chaste in high school. I don't know why it hurt me so bad when I found out Hank cheated on me when I used to cheat on him all the time."

"That was different."

"How?"

"You two were supposed to get married. The Spring Fling dances were long gone by that point."

"Time don't mean much. It was my karma and I guess it hurt because I knew it. I've hurt a lot of people and I know you were one of them."

"I never felt hurt by you."

"Even though we never spoke for years. You never thought I abandoned you?"

"Telephones, letters, planes, trains and automobiles work both ways, sweetheart. That was just as much my fault as it was yours."

"You know the one thing that really hurt me about Hank honestly more than anything? I've never told anyone this including you..."

"Well, say it. Nothing's so bad you can't tell it."

"You know, Calpurnia said that to me once..."

"Scout, just say what you need to say already."

"When he called me Ava, I realized that it could have been me."

"I don't think I understand what you're trying to say here."

"I used to think of you everytime I had sex with someone else. Chuck, Walter, Hank, you name them, I did them. All the while with you on my mind. I wanted you that bad but I knew I couldn't have you so I laid there and played pretend. How sick is that?"

I really could have thrown up. A part of me was flattered beyond belief that my wife never stopped wanting me. That made me feel so good, so wanted; yet another part of me felt heartbroken because I never knew it.

"Sweetheart," I gulped. "Had I known I would have found a way to be with you. I could have been here sooner, we could have had a life together sooner."

"This is why I didn't want to tell you because I knew you would knock yourself out over the past that you can't control."

"I'm glad you told me. I'm just sorry for all the wasted years, that's all."

"So am I," she said as she gave my lips a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you."

I gathered her into my arms as we both flopped on the bed. We could both still hear the discussions of Atticus, the firemen and the sheriff but all we cared about was our connection right here and right now. We let the world go on below us as we drifted off to sleep still hanging on to each other.


	28. Love Without Tragedy

Things seemed to turn around for the better after that night with Jem's housefire. The police got a hold of Jem in South Carolina thanks to Atticus. Jem called me soon after and he just couldn't thank me enough.

"How did you know?" He asked me, sounding just like his father.

"I had a dream," I simply replied the same way I had done with Atticus.

"Well, I was going to do this anyway but I'm bringing Sara back home especially now."

"Because they caught Cecil and Walter."

"Fuck them, man! I'm coming home because of you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. You keep having those dreams of yours and the Finch family's going to live to see at least the next decade!"

"Well, thanks. I hope I am that special."

"Believe me, you are. How you can be married to my sister and not want to kill her yet I don't know."

"Bye, Jem," I just replied with a laugh.

"You know, I really do have to go. I will see you tomorrow at the train station. Hey, don't tell Atticus and Scout, okay? I want them to be surprised when they see Sara."

And surprised they were. Sara stepped off the train to a squeal from Scout and they cried when they hugged each other. I don't think I've seen Scout so attached to another woman in her age group range. I still think it's wonderful that she was able to love her sister-in-law like she does. Atticus was pretty emotional himself despite the fact he just stood there with a smile among his stoic, stonewall frame. He can't fool me anymore; the guy's an old softie. It was emotional watching them hug as well. I was the last one to be hugged and it was then how much it meant to me to have her back. She really was missed by all.

The rest of the summer went by as slow and uneventful as watching molasses pour in January; it was wonderful. I would spend the afternoons with Scout on my lap as we sat on the swing. She was beginning to gain weight again, her skin tanned a wicked color from all the sun and she was beautiful. I never thought healthy could look so sexy. She really was my miracle woman.

"You are beautiful," I would tell her at bedtime as I would stroke her hair away from her face. She really liked that.

"You are full of it," she would say with a smug smile, mostly.

"Full of love for you, you mean?"

"No, full of shit," she would reply as she would turn the other way. The woman never lost her spirit. Thank God for it.

September arrived with a new sense of anticipation for our family: the arrival of Jem and Sara's baby was going to be any day now. It felt good to be on edge for something good for a change. Though all my excitement wasn't over my new niece or nephew but the fact that Scout's two month long sex probation was going to be up soon. When that night happened, it felt like the first time; it was just that magical. I think there was something in the air that night because that was the night Jem rushed Sara to the hosital. Their daughter was named Mary Margaret Finch but they were planning on calling her Margaret; she born at six a.m in the morning; she was seven pounds, six ounces and nineteen inches long. Atticus, Scout and I made sure we were at the hospital as soon as the visiting hours were free. Me and Scout literally ran to the nursery room to try to find the baby and felt horrible when we turned around to see Atticus hobbling behind us.

"Sorry, Atticus," Scout said as she went over to him. "We were so excited."

"I could understand," he said as he took his daughter's arm. "Did you find her?"

"Not yet," I replied as I studied the babies hard.

"Oh, Scout," Atticus said as he focused his eye on one of the babies.

"What's the matter?"

"What's the matter with you, Scout?" He asked sarcastically. "What do you mean you two couldn't find her? I would recognize Jem's baby anywhere."

"How'd you know it was her?"

"How could I not know? Honey, she looks just like you when you were a baby."

I immeadiately went over to see what Atticus was talking about. I gasped when I realized how right he was. She might as well have been baby Scout from my dreams. Maybe it wasn't Scout I was holding all along? I began to have one of those moments where nothing made sense anymore.

"You all right, Dill?" Jem asked as he snuck up behind us.

"What?" I asked with a jump. He scared me.

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Maybe I have."

"Oh, she's beautiful, Jem," Scout said as she flew into her brother's arms and kissed him.

"You would think so," he said as he returned her kiss and hug. "She looks just like you did."

"That's what I said," Atticus replied with a smug smile.

"Hey, Atticus," Jem said as he went up to hug him.

"Hey, Jem," Atticus said as he returned his hug.

"We'll be back, guys," Scout told them as she took my hand.

"Okay," Jem replied, not letting go of Atticus.

She walked me over to the bench on the other end of the hall. Scout sat me down as she took a seat beside me. I wondered what was up.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asked me.

"I'm okay, why? Aren't you okay?"

"The way you were looking at Margaret kind of alarmed me. Do you still feel sad about our miscarriage, Dill?"

"I will always be sad about that but that's not why I was looking at her like I was."

"Then, why?"

"I saw you in my dreams and you looked just like her."

"What?"

"I didn't tell you this but I have been having dreams about your mother on and off and sometimes you were with her as a baby. I got to hold you and everything. You were so precious."

"Well, thank you," she said with a shocked laugh. "I had a feeling that mama must have been guiding you. I knew there had to be something else as to why you had your feelings about my health."

"Why wouldn't I worry about your health? I want you to be healthy."

"I know but still I knew there was something else amazing happening. You want to know how much I love you?"

"How much?" I asked with a nervous laugh.

"Mama came to see me when I had my heart attack."

"I had a feeling she would," I said as I shivered. I always knew how close I was to losing her.

"I told her that I loved her but I wasn't going with her because you needed me more than she could ever need me."

I was floored.

"What did she say?"

"'Good call, sweet.' She never came back."

"If I know you're mom like I think I do, she's still here."

"You're probably right. Ready to go meet our niece?"

"Yes. Let's go meet our niece."

So we walked back in silence but with our hands intertwined. From a distance we could see Atticus holding his granddaughter and he looked beyond proud of what his son had created. He wasn't so proud that he couldn't share her with Scout. Scout took to the baby like she had been a mother her whole life and seeing her like that warmed my heart. I knew that when our time came that she would be there with open arms and an open heart. Scout, believe me when I tell you that you never knew how to not love.


End file.
